


Omaha

by sajeki (dajaje)



Series: It's All Good, Man [2]
Category: Better Call Saul (TV), Breaking Bad, Breaking Bad & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst and Humor, F/M, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Polyamory, Post-Episode: s05e16 Felina, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 20:37:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7985416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dajaje/pseuds/sajeki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Saul Goodman, Jesse Pinkman and Kim Wexler finally leave Albuquerque, but they soon find that their biggest problem has followed them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Omaha

Gene Taylor, A.K.A. Saul Goodman, A.K.A. Jimmy McGill, unlocked the door to his condo and pushed it open. He stepped inside and flipped a switch, turning on a small lamp. “Welcome to our humble abode. And I do mean humble.”

Kim Wexler stepped inside and looked around the small living room. “It’s… nice.”

Jarrod Joshua (J.J.) Walker, A.K.A. Jesse Pinkman, stopped inside and stretched. “Yo, can we do the tour tomorrow? I need a bed.”

“Upstairs.” Saul watched the young man shuffle off before turning his attention to Kim. “Night cap?”

“Yeah, sounds good. Let me use the restroom first.”

“Also upstairs.” When Kim followed Jesse, Saul went into the cramped kitchen and sighed when he saw his meager alcohol selection. “Oh, well, beggars and all that.” He opened a cupboard and pulled out the last two clean glasses. Setting them onto the counter, he filled each with about two inches of scotch. He thought for a moment, then moved to the small fridge and pulled out a half-empty ice cube tray.

“Wow, that is a small bathroom,” Kim said as she walked into the room.

Saul gave a quiet snort. “Wait til you see the bedroom.”

Kim took the glass of scotch that Saul offered her. “Thanks.” She followed him into the living room and sat down on the loveseat. Looking around at the bare walls and empty surfaces, she smirked. “Love what you’ve done with the place.”

Saul snorted. “Yeah, well, who would’ve ever guessed that good ol’ Walt was gonna last that long?”

Kim sipped her drink. “So that really was your plan? Hide out here and wait him out, and then come back and pick up like nothing had ever happened?”

Saul slumped into his seat. “Well, when you say it like that…” He sipped his drink. “It’s just…” he shrugged, “what we had was good.” He jumped and frowned when Kim hit him on the upper arm. “Ow! What was that for?”

“For getting yourself so far in over your head with Heisenberg.”

“Yeah, but you have to understand: when I met him, he just seemed like some Joe Schmoe who didn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground. Albeit one with the potential to bring in a lot of money.”

Kim turned in her seat to face Saul, resting one arm on the back of the loveseat. “I’d ask if it was worth it, but I think we all know the answer to that.” She sighed. “What happened, Jimmy? When did money become your guiding principle?”

Saul groaned and dropped his head back onto the seat. “Christ, I don’t know.” He raised his head and finished his drink. “That’s a lie.” He set his glass down onto the coffee table and turned to face Kim. “I tried, Kim. Honest to god I did. I know I wasn’t the best lawyer, but I really felt like I could help people. But it seemed like every time I started making progress, bam! Chuck would throw up some goddamn roadblock.”

“Why didn’t you just leave? Go where Chuck couldn’t have any influence over you?”

“Where? The moon?” Saul reached out and tenderly caressed Kim’s cheek. “Besides, I couldn’t leave you.”

Kim put her glass down. “Oh, you big dope.” She leaned in and kissed him, then she settled in close to him, resting her head on his chest. “Saul Goodman was a big ‘fuck you’ to HHM, wasn’t he?”

Saul inhaled. “Pretty much. Plus, you know, if people tell you you’re a shyster long enough, you start to believe it.”

“Kind of like if people call you a stupid worthless junkie long enough, huh?”

Saul rested his chin on Kim’s head. “Yeah.”

“Jimmy?”

“Yeah?”

Kim hesitated before saying, “If he doesn’t… If Jesse is still having all of his problems in a few weeks, we should think about finding him a doctor.”

Saul frowned. “Like a shrink?”

Kim pulled back to meet Saul’s gaze. “We just know a little bit of the horrors he’s been through. I mean, you know what happens to guys who are kept in solitary confinement. Imagine being there for six months in chains and never knowing if you’re going to be killed for any little transgression you might make. Just the stress of that alone must have made him…” She stopped, unable to say the word ‘crazy’.

Saul studied Kim for a moment, finally noticing the worry lines on her face. “Yeah, okay. If the change of scenery doesn’t help him, we’ll look for something that will.”

Kim smiled as she settled against Saul again. “If you go in to work tomorrow, you have to bring us some…” She started giggling when a big hand clamped over her mouth.

0 0 0

_Jesse slowly awoke and stretched, letting the last of his high carry him for a few more minutes. This was it: today was the day he and Jane were going to leave this shithole and all of the douches like Mr. White and Jane’s father far behind them. New Zealand. He could picture it in his mind from ‘Lord of the Rings’. He rolled over and smiled at Jane, who was still sound asleep. Wanting to share his happiness, he reached out and stroked her shoulder. When she didn’t rouse, he gently shook her. He raised up on his elbow and gasped when he saw the mess around her mouth. “Nonono…” He sat up and felt her cold face, then bent down to listen for any signs of life. “No.” He straddled her hips and started doing chest compressions, praying that she would wake up at any moment. After what seemed like hours, he dropped his face to her chest and began screaming…_

“Jesus, what?” Saul muttered as he sat upright. He turned to see that Kim had already come around from her side of the bed and was trying to comfort Jesse. He shook off the last of his sleep and turned toward the distraught man. “Jesse, come on, sweetheart. It was just a dream.” When he could see the smaller body start to relax, he reached out and began caressing Jesse’s quaking back. “Jesse?”

Kim sat on the edge of the bed and combed her fingers through Jesse’s hair. She pulled him to her when he curled around her.

“Jane…”

“Shh, it’s okay,” Kim soothed. She smiled at Jesse when the younger man eased away and looked up at her.

Jesse yawned and rubbed his hand up and down Kim’s arm. “Come to bed, baby. We got a big day tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Kim shot Saul a sad look as she allowed Jesse to pull her down to lie beside him, wrapping her arms around the smaller man when he settled against her.

Jesse rubbed his cheek against Kim’s chest before finally getting comfortable and closing his eyes. “We got anymore H, baby? I hurt all over.”

“I’m pretty sure we used it all,” Kim said, tightening her embrace.

Saul watched Kim and Jesse until he was sure Jesse had gone back to sleep. “You okay?”

 _Other than having to pretend to be the dead girlfriend?_ “Yeah.” Kim inhaled deeply and smiled at Saul. “You should try to get some more sleep.”

“Yeah.” Saul leaned down and kissed the back of Jesse’s head and Kim’s forehead before settling onto his side of the mattress. He was just about to doze off when he heard a distinct knock at the door. “Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” he muttered as he got up and grabbed his robe.

“You think it’s the old bat to the right, or the schmuck to the left?” Kim asked quietly as Saul threw on his robe.

“I hope I never find out,” Saul replied, hurrying from the room. “I’m coming,” he called out when there was another knock. He pulled open the door and plastered on a fake smile when he saw the familiar male and female police team. “Good evening, officers.”

The female cop sighed. “Mr. Taylor, this is the fourth night in a row that we’ve been called out here.”

“And I’m truly sorry about that.” Saul held out his hands. “I told you, my nephew is having nightmares. There’s not a lot we can do about that.”

“Maybe you can take him to a doctor and get some sedatives or something,” the male cop suggested.

“Yes, actually, we’re taking him tomorrow.” Saul nodded, looking from one cop to the other. “Hopefully, this is the last time you have to come out here.”

“Good.” The two officers turned and left.

Saul shut the door, locked it, and sighed as he slumped against it. He startled and flailed his arms when Jesse spoke,

“Cops again?”

Saul put his hand over his heart. “Jesus, you scared the crap outta me, kid.”

Jesse studied the older man. “It was the cops, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck.” Jesse wandered over and slumped down onto the loveseat.

Kim hurried down the stairs and stopped in the living room, releasing her breath when she saw Jesse. “There you are.”

Jesse clenched his teeth and glared at the blonde. “Jesus, would you stop following me like my fuckin’ shadow?”

Kim put her hands on her hips. “Well, excuse me for giving a damn.”

“Guys, let’s not do this.” Saul rubbed his forehead as he walked to his recliner and sat.

Kim hesitated, then sat down next to Jesse. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, me too,” Jesse muttered. He slumped back into his seat and sighed. “We gotta get outta this shithole. Go someplace where people ain’t all up in our shit.” He waved a hand around. “Not to mention this place is hell’a depressin’.” Jesse shrugged at Saul. “No disrespect.”

“Fine by me. No offense, but your place kind of creeps me out.” Kim gave Saul a sheepish grin.

“It’s not that bad,” Saul replied, slightly offended. “I just never really got around to decorating it.”

Jesse snorted. “Not that bad? The only thing it’s missin’ is a body hangin’ in the closet.”

“I made them dump it before I moved in.” Saul smirked into Jesse’s smirk, then sobered. “Look, I said we’d probably want to move soon, so I’m not arguing here.”

Kim lightly slapped her knees. “Okay, next thing on the agenda, after getting Jesse some help, is looking for a new place to live.”

Jesse frowned. “What kind’a help?

Kim smiled. “I told you I made you a doctor’s appointment, to see about pain management?”

Jesse nodded. “Right.” He pursed his lips. “Unless they got medical weed here, I don’t think he’s gonna be much help.”

“Sorry, kid, as far as I know, Nebraska hasn’t joined the twenty-first century yet.” Saul covered a big yawn as he stood. “I’m going to see if I can grab some more sleep.”

Kim also yawned. “Sounds like a good idea.” She stood and looked at Jesse questioningly.

“I’m gonna watch a little TV first.” Jesse watched Kim and Saul leave, then got up and moved to the recliner. He picked up the remote and turned on the TV, quickly lowering the volume. He then hit the play button for the VCR and settled back, smiling when the picture finally came on, showing Saul Goodman in all of his previous glory:

“I’m fighting for you, Albuquerque!”

0 0 0

Jesse cast a furtive glance around the crowded waiting room, trying to ignore the smell of antiseptic and the loud chatter of the kids rough-housing nearby.

_Jesse held his arm more tightly to his chest and sniffed loudly. His mom wiped his face with a tissue and sighed._

_“Will you please stop crying? You’re a big boy now and big boys don’t cry.”_

_Jesse looked up at his mom. “How come dad jerked me like that?”_

_“Hush!” His mom glanced hurriedly around the waiting room before leaning close to him. “Your dad didn’t hurt you. You fell off your bike.” She put her finger over his mouth. “You fell off your bike. Do you understand?”_

_Jesse nodded. When she removed her finger, he said. “I thought you said not to lie.”_

_“If you tell them what really happened, the police will come and take you away and lock you up. Do you want that?”_

_Jesse rapidly shook his head. When his mom asked him, “What happened to your arm, Jesse?” he swallowed. “I fell off my bike.”_

_His mom broke into a big smile. “Good boy. When we’re done, I’ll buy you an ice cream.”_

Kim looked up from her magazine when she noticed Jesse’s foot tapping restlessly. “You okay?”

Jesse shook his head as he tried to control his breathing. “I can’t do this.”

Kim put her hand on his arm. “Sure you can. You’ve been to the doctor before, right?”

“When I was a kid.” He squeezed his eyes shut to block out the memory. “What am I supposed to tell ‘em happened?”

Kim frowned. “The truth.” When shocked blue eyes turned on her, she said, “They can’t help you if they don’t know what happened.”

“But they’ll call the cops!” Jesse whispered.

Kim smiled reassuringly. “No, they won’t.” She paused, thinking. “Would you like me to go in with you?”

Just then, a door opened and a nurse called out, “Jarrod Walker?”

When Jesse didn’t respond, Kim gave his arm a squeeze. “That’s you, sweetie.” She got to her feet. “Come on, I’ll go with you.”

“Jarrod Walker?”

Jesse jumped to his feet. “Uh…” He looked at the nurse, then looked at Kim for a moment, then he bolted for the exit, leaving Kim to scramble after him.

“J.J., stop!” Kim called out after the retreating man when she saw him getting into the elevator. When he didn’t respond, she ran after him, slapping the elevator door as it closed on her. “Shit!” Looking around, she saw a staircase and ran to it, taking the four flights of stairs as quickly as she dared. She was breathing hard by the time she opened the door to the lobby, but still forced herself to hurry to the exit and outside, where she stopped and looked around. “J.J.!”

Frustrated when she didn’t see any sign of Jesse, she went to her car.

0 0 0

Saul looked at the posted Cinnabon work schedule and sighed. _Why am I still even here?_ He picked up a marker and made a couple of changes, then replaced the pen and went to the front counter.

Billy looked up from the register and did a double-take. “Wow, Gene, I’m still not used to you without your mustache.”

Saul absently rubbed his upper lip as he checked the supply of napkins and straws. “I was tired of it.” He startled a little when he felt a vibration in his pocket. He pulled out his phone, flipped it open and hit ‘accept’. “Hello?”

“Jimmy, I’m sorry to bother you, but we have a problem. Jesse’s gone, and I mean really gone, not just in another room gone.”

Knowing things were bad when Kim babbled, Saul steeled himself. “What happened?”

“He got spooked at the doctor’s office and ran away. I’ve been driving around looking for him, but…” Kim sighed. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Have you tried calling him?”

Kim rolled her eyes. “On what? We never got him a phone.”

“Well, shit, that was negligent of us.” Saul glanced at Billy who was looking at him with a surprised expression on his face. He smiled. “Sorry,” he mouthed, then went back to his office. “Have you gone by the house, in case he goes there?”

“That’s where I am now. And I also realized we never gave him a key.”

Saul rubbed his forehead. “Jesus, we’re fucking up left, right, and down the middle. Way to make the kid feel like a part of everything.”

Kim tapped her fingers on her knee. “Maybe I should have rescheduled. I could see he was starting to freak out…”

“We can’t second-guess everything, Kim,” Saul said in exasperation. He thought a moment. “I guess we’ll just have to wait for him to either come home or call one of us, assuming he remembers how to use a pay phone.” He rubbed his eyes. “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for…”

“You’re just worried. I am too.” Kim hesitated before adding, “We’re supposed to have freezing rain tonight.”

Saul groaned. “And you were both going to come to the mall after the doctor to buy him a coat. Jesus!” He blew out his breath. “I’ll get Billy to cover the store…”

“No, stay there,” Kim interjected. “He might go there. I’m going to leave the door unlocked in case he comes home. Otherwise, I’ll go back out and try the different ways between here and the doctor’s office to see if I can find him. If he doesn’t show up by the time you get home…” Her voice trailed off.

“We’ll think of something,” Saul assured. “Omaha isn’t that big, and it’s pretty safe too.”

“So, first one to find him calls the other right away, right?”

“You got it.” Saul hung up the phone and slumped against his desk. “Where the hell are you, kid?”

0 0 0

Jesse flopped down onto a bus bench, exhausted and freezing. The low clouds mixed with the impending dusk to make it seem later than it was. “Shut up,” he muttered to his stomach when it growled. He wrapped his arms around himself, slumped back against the bench and pulled his knees up. “Well, you really fucked it up this time, genius.” He closed his eyes. _Maybe I can just freeze to death._

“Hey, pal, you okay?”

Jesse opened his eyes and willed himself not to freak out when he saw a police car at the curb. He started to tell them he was fine, then decided, _fuck it_. He slowly untangled himself and leaned forward. “No, I’m lost. I was at the doctor with Kim, then, somehow, we got separated, and then I was gonna go to the mall but I don’t have any money so I couldn’t take the bus. I’ve only been here, like, a week or two weeks, I dunno, I can’t keep track’a time so good anymore, so I don’t know my way around, and I don’t have money to call Saul,” he chuckled at the joke, “and I’m really, really fuckin’ cold.” He sighed in resignation when the cops got out of the cruiser, wondering why one was stopping to get something from the trunk while the other came to him.

“You have any I.D., Mr….?”

Jesse nodded. “Walker. Jarrod Walker, but everybody calls me J.J.” He stood and reached into his pants pocket. “That’s the only thing I do have.” He handed his Nebraska license to the officer, then startled when the other cop held out something to him.

“Put this on,” the second cop directed as he unfolded a blanket and helped Jesse get it over his shoulders.

“Yo, thanks, dude.”

“Is this your current address?” the first cop asked.

“Yeah, that’s my uncle’s house. Well, him and my aunt. I live with them.” Seeing the cop looking at his face, he continued, “Yeah, uh, I was in a bad accident, car accident, a while ago. My folks were killed. I just got outta the hospital and came here to live with them.”

“And Kim’s your aunt? The one you got separated from?” When Jesse nodded, he asked, “And who’s Saul? Your uncle?”

Jesse snorted, then sobered. “No, Saul’s a joke, a family thing. My uncle’s name is Gene. He’s the manager of the Cinnabon at the mall.”

“Which one?” the second cop asked.

Jesse slumped. “Oh god, there’s more than one?”

The two cops exchanged amused glances, then the first one handed Jesse his license back. “Come with us, Mr. Walker. We’ll see about getting you back with your family. They must be pretty worried about you.”

“Yeah, especially Kim. She always worries when she doesn’t know where I am,” Jesse said as he climbed into the backseat of the cruiser.

As the two officers settled into the front seat, the second one picked up the radio and gave their status, and the first one turned enough to say over the seat, “Then maybe you should try not to wander off.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jesse pulled the blanket tight around himself, “but sometimes it just happens.”

0 0 0

Saul looked up when there was a knock on his door. “Yeah.”

The door opened and Billy stuck his head in. “Uh, Gene? There’s a couple of cops out here wanting to talk to you.”

 _Ohshit! Ohshit!_ Saul looked around the small office, dismayed that there was only one exit. “Did they say what they want?”

“No, but they’re with some homeless guy.”

“Oh! Oh, great!” Saul practically pushed Billy out of the way as he hurried to the front of the store, letting out a big sigh when he saw Jesse standing between two cops. He went around the counter and wrapped his arms around Jesse, who dropped the blanket he was holding to return Saul’s hug. “Christ, kid, you had me scared to death. Thanks, officers,” he quickly added, looking from one cop to the other.

One cop bent to retrieve the abandoned blanket, while the other said, “We found your nephew at a bus stop in north Omaha. Not the best place for a young man like him, especially after dark.”

“You really should take more care with your nephew,” the other cop added. “He shouldn’t be wandering around on his own.”

Saul looked down at Jesse. “Well, he wasn’t alone when he left the house this morning.” He snapped his fingers. “Oh! I have to call Kim.” He looked at the cops. “Can I get you coffee?”

“No, we need to get back on patrol. But, thanks.”

“Thank you, again, for not only finding him, but for bringing him here.” Saul watched the two officers leave before returning his attention to Jesse. “Honest to god, kid, I was seriously freaking out.”

Jesse nervously scratched his head. “Yeah, me too.” He suddenly noticed the rest of the people around them and cleared his throat. “You got a office or someplace we can go?”

Saul glanced around and nodded. “Yeah, come on.” He slid one arm around Jesse’s waist and guided him back behind the counter, glaring at the three employees who were staring at Jesse. “If all of your work is finished, the bathrooms need to be scrubbed. Yeah, I thought so,” he muttered when they all went off in different directions. “Stay on the register, Billy. I’ll be in my office.” He motioned inside the door. “Here you go.”

Jesse looked around as he sat down in Saul’s office chair. “Wow, this is a sad little office.”

“Bet it beats the back of a police car,” Saul shot back as he pulled out his phone and dialed. When Kim answered, he said, “He’s here. He’s fine.”

“Oh, thank god.”

“Where are you?”

“On my way home. You want me to come and pick him up?”

“No, I’m just about finished here.” Saul glanced at Jesse. “You want us to grab a pizza on the way home?” Jesse nodded. Saul gave a thumbs up when Kim agreed. ‘Yeah, okay, we’ll be home in just a bit.”

Jesse waited until Saul hung up before asking, “How pissed is she?”

“I don’t think she’s pissed at all. I think she’s relieved you’re okay.” Saul glanced at Jesse’s stomach when he heard a loud rumble. “You hungry?”

“Yeah, kind’a.”

“Let me get you something to tide you over until we get the pizza.” He went to the office door and paused. “And don’t put any porn on my computer.”

Jesse looked around the small office and shivered. Spying Saul’s coat hanging on peg near the door, he went and got it and slipped it on, shivering again as he started to warm up. He sat down and pulled one side of the jacket up so he could smell the lining, closing his eyes when he got a good whiff of Saul’s scent. He buried his face in the jacket and inhaled deeply, letting out a soft moan.

“Hey, what’d I say about the porn?” Saul asked as he returned with two drinks and a small bag, which he placed in front of Jesse. Then he picked up his coffee and moved to sit on the side of his desk.

“Can’t help it, dude.” Jesse took another deep breath. “You smell amazing.” He glanced at Saul with twinkling eyes.

Saul looked away and cleared his throat. “Jesus, easy, kid, you’re giving me a partial.”

Jesse smirked at Saul as he opened the bag in front of him. “Aw, you got me sweeties.” He took one out and popped it into his mouth. “Thanks.”

Saul took a sip of his coffee. “You want to tell me what happened today?” He shook his head when Jesse held up a sweetie to him.

Jesse ate the treat and shrugged. “I was sitting there with Kim and I was tryin’ to figure out what I should tell the doctor about how I got my scars and then I was rememberin’ when I was a little kid and me and mom were in the doctor’s office and…” He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Why were you and your mom at the doctor’s?”

Jesse started absently rubbing his left arm. “I hurt my arm. I fell off my bike.”

Saul nodded. “I fell off my bike a few times too. Never had to go to the doctor’s though. Thank goodness.” He looked into sad blue eyes. “You didn’t fall off your bike, did you?”

Jesse shook his head. “She said if I told the truth the cops would take me away and lock me up.”

“Oh, kid…” Saul sat down his coffee and moved closer to Jesse. He held open his arms. “Come here.” He wrapped his arms around the smaller man when Jesse threw himself into Saul’s arms. “I’m sorry some people are assholes.”

0 0 0

Kim forced herself to remain seated on the loveseat when she heard the front door open. She smiled at Saul and Jesse. “Hey.”

Saul gave Jesse a gentle shove towards Kim while he carried the two pizza boxes to the small table. “We got pepperoni and some other godawful thing,” he said as he put the boxes down and went to the kitchen to get plates.

Jesse cleared his throat as he slowly walked to where Kim sat. “I’m sorry for makin’ you worry.” He sat next to her. “I really didn’t mean to.”

“Nice coat.” Kim smiled and brushed her fingers down Saul’s jacket, then she sighed. “I know you’re a grown man, and that you can take care of yourself…”

“But I can’t,” Jesse muttered as he slumped back into the loveseat. “I don’t know what the fuck’s goin’ on with me, but this ain’t normal.”

“Here, eat this,” Saul said as he handed Jesse a plate.

“Thanks.” Jesse took the plate and placed it on the coffee table while Kim and Saul settled with their own food. He stood and took off Saul’s jacket and draped it over the back of the loveseat. “I gotta piss,” he mumbled as he left the room and went upstairs.

Kim waited until Jesse was gone before leaning closer to Saul. “What happened?”

Saul glanced towards the staircase before answering, “A couple of cops found him sitting on a bus bench. I guess they figured him for some special needs kid and brought him to the store.”

Kim’s face fell. “Aw, that must have been hard for him. Do you know why he left in the first place?”

Saul pursed his lips. “Evidently daddy dearest used to get a little rough on the kid and mommy dearest made him lie to the doctor.”

“Jesus Christ!” Kim hissed, furious. She startled and sat up when she heard the toilet flush. She smiled and held up her plate when Jesse returned. “I like this.”

“That’s ‘cause you got good taste.” Jesse smirked at Saul. He sat down and picked up his plate. He glanced from Saul to Kim and took a bite before asking, “So you gonna take me to the crazy farm?”

Kim looked shocked. “What? No, of course not.”

“No, we’re going to all sit down and figure this out,” Saul replied. He looked at Kim. “I quit my job. I gave them a week’s notice.”

“Seriously?”

“Yep.” Saul put his empty plate onto the table. “We need to all be together now.” He looked up when Kim came over to him, making room for the blonde to sit on his lap.

Kim wrapped her arms around Saul’s neck and gave him a quick kiss on the mouth. “Wow, Jimmy, you’re growing as a human being.”

Jesse snorted. “Yeah, it’s the Cinnabons.” He stood and leaned over to kiss the indignant look off of the older man’s face. “But that just means there’s more’a you to love.” He gave Kim a quick kiss before picking up all of their plates and carrying them to the kitchen. He came out and smiled when he saw Saul and Kim kissing. “I’m gonna take a long hot shower.” He stopped at the bottom of the stairs. “Try not to break this coffee table, huh? We’re runnin’ outta furniture.” He chuckled at Saul’s quiet tirade as he went upstairs, then sobered, wondering if he was ever going to be normal again.

0 0 0

“Wow.” Saul looked around at the large property. “This is a little more than I was thinking.”

Jesse beamed. “No, dude, this is perfect.”

Kim stared at the large stone building. “It is kind of a lot of house.”

Jesse frowned at her. “What? No, it’s only six bedrooms.”

“Six bedrooms in five thousand square feet on almost fifty acres.” Saul shrugged. “It’s going to take a lot of upkeep.”

“So? There’s three of us.” Jesse mouth dropped open. “Dude, we could get one’a those riding mowers.”

Kim smiled. “That would be cool. And we could get a plow attachment for the snow.”

Saul shook his head. “Am I the only one who sees the potential problems with this idea?”

Kim sobered. “No, no, you’re right.”

“No, don’t go to his side,” Jesse pleaded, taking Kim’s hand in his. “His is the dark side.”

Kim stroked Jesse’s cheek. “Jimmy’s right, J.J. It’s almost a million dollars.”

“So? We’ll still have over ten million. Plus, whatever old moneybag’s” he pointed his thumb at Saul, “got stashed away.”

Saul looked frantically around, relaxing when he saw the real estate agent was in her car on the phone. “Yes, we have the money,” he conceded, “but you can’t just plunk down that kind of cash to buy a house.”

“Why not? You bought my house with cash.”

“First off, that was considerably less, and secondly…” Saul looked into expectant blue eyes and sighed. Turning to Kim, he said, “Will you please explain it to him.”

“No.” Jesse cut Kim off before she could speak. “You know what? You guys don’t like it, fine. I’ll buy it myself.”

Kim blew out her breath. “That’s not how this works.”

Jesse slumped. “Yeah, okay.” He sighed. “It just seems so perfect. We could all have our own rooms to keep our stuff in. There’s that office and the killer kitchen.” He sighed again. “And that gigantic shop outside.” He spread his arms. “And no fuckin’ nosy neighbors.”

Saul smiled softly at Jesse. “I’m not denying that it’s a great place. I just think we need to think about it some more.”

Jesse paused, then reluctantly nodded. “Okay. Let’s go see what else she has.”

0 0 0

Jesse shoved the rest of the cheeseburger into his mouth and slumped against the back of the loveseat as he rubbed his hands on his jeans. He swallowed and burped. “Yo, that Steak n Shake is the bomb!”

Kim slapped the young man on the knee with her paper napkin. “Cretin.” She picked up her Coke, took a drink and then burped.

Saul looked at the other two and shook his head. “Wow. Just wow.” He ignored their giggles as he sorted through the papers on the coffee table. “Now that we’ve fed the beast, shall we discuss houses?”

Jesse pointed to the paper Saul had on top. “Yo, that fixer upper was killer.”

“Yeah, I can see it killing one of us as we try to fix it up.” Saul tossed the paper onto the floor. He held up a sheet. “How about the mid-century?”

“I don’t know.” Kim shrugged at the others. “I just didn’t feel it.”

Saul tossed the sheet away and held up another. “Armbrust Acres?”

Jesse shrugged. “It was okay.”

When Kim nodded, Saul said, “Okay, that goes into the maybe pile.” He put it down onto the table and held up another. “The big brick one?” Before they could answer, he tossed it onto the floor. “Too drafty.”

They continued sorting until they had it down to three maybes.

Jesse yawned and rubbed his eyes. “Seriously, just pick one.”

Saul got up from his recliner and squeezed onto the loveseat between Kim and Jesse and turned the fact sheets around so they could all easily view them. He stared at the papers. “I honestly don’t care.”

Kim looked at the two men in bewilderment. “Guys, it doesn’t work like this. If none of these places are what we all want, we need to keep looking.”

“She’s right.” Saul slumped back. “None of these are my dream home.” He glanced at Jesse, who was staring off into space. “What do you think?”

Jesse shrugged. “Fine. Whatever.” He got up. “I’m gonna go grab a shower.”

“We’re going to move, sweetie,” Kim assured as she turned in her seat to watch Jesse leave. “But let’s take the time we need to find a real home for all of us.”

Jesse just raised a hand in response as he trudged up the stairs.

“Well, poop,” Kim grumbled as she righted herself in her seat.

“Patience has never been the kid’s strong suit.” Saul started gathering up all of the papers. “And I don’t think he’s ever bought a house before.”

Kim smiled. “Sometimes I forget how damn young he is.” She frowned. “What’s the date?”

Saul looked down at one of the print-outs in his hand. “Uh...” he squinted, “Looks like September 16th.”

“Shit.”

“What? Oh crap, we missed his birthday.”

Kim buried her face in her hands. “What was it you said the other day? That we’re fucking up left, right, and down the middle?”

Saul sat down next to Kim. “It’s okay. We’ll make it up to him.”

Kim glanced sideways at Saul. “Where you okay when your folks made things up to you?”

“We’re not his folks.”

Kim smacked him in the arm. “Right now, we’re his everything.” She stood. “Come on, let’s go talk to him.”

Saul sighed heavily as he dropped the papers on the table and followed the blonde upstairs.

“Hey, kiddo,” Kim greeted as she walked into the bedroom.

Jesse looked up from where he was trying to get a knot out of his shoe string. He watched as Kim sat down next to him on the bed and Saul leaned against the door jamb. “’Sup?”

Kim put her hand on Jesse’s shoulder. “We just realized that we missed a very important day.”

Jesse scrunched up his face. “September 11th?”

“No, silly.” Kim gave his shoulder a gentle shake. “Your birthday.”

“Oh.” Jesse shrugged and kept working with his shoe. “I thought you just decided to celebrate it on Jarrod’s birthday instead. March 12th,” he added, glancing from Kim to Saul and back to his shoe.

“Hey, we can celebrate that too.”

Jesse dropped his shoe on the floor and slightly turned to Kim. “Look, don’t sweat it, okay? That time we celebrated it last year was the first time anybody’d celebrated it in forever.” He shrugged. “It’s no big deal.”

Kim looked sad and brushed at the hair on Jesse’s forehead. “It should be a big deal.”

Jesse slowly smirked. “Then how come you didn’t want us celebratin’ your birthday?”

Kim smirked back at him, then she took a deep breath. “Anyway, to correct this mistake, we’d like to take you shopping so you can pick out your own presents. You still haven’t gotten a new coat.”

Jesse groaned. “I hate shopping. Can’t you just go get it?”

Kim frowned. “Don’t you want to pick it out?”

“Yeah, you need a new phone too. Don’t you want to choose which one?” Saul asked from where he stood in the doorway.

Jesse groaned again as he slumped back onto the bed. “I haven’t made a fuckin’ decision in…” he shrugged, “god, I don’t know how long. If I go to the store, all I’m gonna do is stare at all’a that shit until I have fuckin’ meltdown.” He stood up and started pacing. “I don’t even know how to be a functionin’ human bein’ anymore. I didn’t remember I needed to have money with me when I went to the doctor’s with Kim. Fuck, the only reason I had my license with me is ‘cause I was wearin’ the same pants I had on when Ed gave it to me.” He slumped down on the edge of the bed again and started picking at the skin around his thumbnail.

Kim and Saul exchanged glances, then Kim scooted closer to Jesse. “I’m sorry we’re idiots.”

Jesse sighed. “You’re not idiots.”

“Yeah, we kind of are.” Kim took Jesse’s hand in hers. “Because most of the time you seem like the old Jesse, we keep forgetting what a horrible ordeal you’ve been through. And that’s so not fair to you.”

Saul settled on the other side of Jesse. “You need to remind us, sweetheart. Just like you did now. If you don’t think you can do something, just tell us. We certainly won’t think any less of you.” He nudged Jesse with his shoulder. “I’ll be happy to pick some stuff up for you.”

Jesse glanced sideways at the other man. “No Hello Kitty.”

Saul chuckled and raised his right hand. “No Hello Kitty. You want to go with the vintage street punk look, or are you more in the mood for dark and dangerous? No, you know what, don’t tell me,” he added. “I’ll go with my gut.” He held up his finger. “Don’t say it.”

Jesse smiled as leaned against Saul and rested his hand against the older man’s stomach. “I happen to like your gut.”

Saul raised his eyebrows as he looked into clear blue eyes. “Well, thank you. My gut is rather fond of you too.”

Kim straightened up. “Okay, wow, I think that’s my cue to go somewhere else.” She giggled when Jesse snaked an arm around her and pulled her onto his lap.

“Wanna know what part’a you that I like?” Jesse asked Kim as he leered down at her chest.

Kim squared her shoulders and looked down. “Yeah, they are still looking pretty darn good, even if I do say so myself.”

Saul gingerly cupped one of Kim’s breasts. “And I appreciate that you deliberately grew two of them. Almost as though you knew you were going to have two men who might potentially fight over them.”

Jesse suddenly grew serious. “Oh fuck.”

Kim stilled. “What’s the matter?”

Jesse looked at the pretty blonde. “I just thought’a somethin’.”

“What?” Saul asked, looking concerned.

Jesse frowned at Kim. “Me and you got the same lousy taste in men.”

Kim put her hand over her mouth. “Oh my god, you’re right.”

“Oh you two are real funny,” Saul said as he got off of the bed. He pouted as he looked from one to the other. “You hurt my feelings.”

“Aw…” Kim got up and kissed him. “Ya big baby.” She patted him on his chest before leaving for the bathroom.

Jesse stood and smiled at Saul. “Pussy.” He stood on tiptoes and gave the taller man a deep kiss before mimicking Kim with a pat on Saul’s chest. “I’m gonna go watch some TV.”.

“Yep, that’s the kind of love and nurturing I’ve come to expect from you two.” Saul muttered as the other two left, then he smiled as he began undressing.

0 0 0

Jesse startled awake and looked around, relaxing when he saw he was cuddled with Saul. He resettled his head on the solid chest beneath him and began absently stroking his hand over the older man’s stomach. Wanting to touch skin, he slowly worked his hand under Saul’s tee shirt until he was dragging his fingertips through the fine hairs on Saul’s chest. He inhaled deeply and sighed, enjoying the natural musky scent of the larger man. He sniffed again, moving his head until his face was buried in the crook of Saul’s neck, where he began nuzzling soft skin with his lips. A smile crossed his lips when he felt a large hand slowly close on the back of his head. He lifted his head to look into sleepy eyes, then he pressed his lips against Saul’s.

When Jesse finally pulled back, Saul reached his free hand up to gently stroke the younger man’s face. “That’s nice.”

Jesse dropped his face into Saul’s mussed hair and inhaled deeply. “You always smell so good.” He raised up a little and pulled his hand free of the other man’s shirt. “Take off your shirt.”

Saul sat up, pulled off his tee shirt and tossed it aside before resettling in his old spot, holding out an arm for Jesse, wrapping it around the smaller man when Jesse cuddled close.

Jesse rubbed his face on Saul’s chest, inhaling deeply. “Oh yeah, this is what I needed.” He slid his free hand over the expanse of Saul’s chest. “Dude, how are you so hot?” When Saul snorted, Jesse frowned and lifted his head. “No, seriously. You are so fuckin’ hot.” He waved his hand over the prone man’s body. “You’re so…solid, and, and…such a guy.”

Saul smiled softly up at Jesse and cupped the younger man’s cheek. “Wow. Thanks.”

“Hey, it is what it is,” Jesse said as he resettled his head on Saul’s chest. He absently toyed with the hair on Saul’s chest. “I don’t think I would’a made it without you.”

Saul stroked Jesse’s hair. “What do you mean?”

“When I was in that…cage. I wanted to die, but you kept tellin’ me, ‘hang in there, kid’.” Jesse swallowed. “Sometimes I scrunched up my blanket and put my head on it, like this,” he waved his hand over them, “and pretended it was you.” He wrapped his arm tight around Saul. “It made me feel good.”

Saul squeezed his eyes shut to keep his tears in check. He tightened both arms around the smaller man. “Well, now you don’t have to pretend, because you’ve got the real thing.”

“Yep.” Jesse squeezed Saul. He let out big yawn and closed his eyes, pulling his arm back until his hand was settled in the middle of Saul’s chest.

Saul listened to Jesse’s breathing even out in sleep. He settled his chin on Jesse’s head and closed his eyes, knowing sleep would be a long time coming to him.

0 0 0

“Jarrod Walker?”

Jesse slowly got to his feet. “Yeah, here.” He started to walk towards the nurse, then stopped and looked at Saul. “Come with me?”

“Yeah, of course.” Saul got to his feet and followed Jesse through the door.

“Jarrod?” the nurse asked, looking at Jesse.

Jesse nodded. “J.J.” He casually motioned towards Saul. “This is my, uh, uncle. Uh, I didn’t get to finish this,” he added, motioning to the clipboard he held.

The nurse took it from Jesse. “That’s all right. We can finish it later.” She stopped near a small alcove. “Before we go into the room, I’m going to need to get your vitals. Please have a seat.” She quickly took his blood pressure and temperature. “Now, please, get on the scale.” She smiled at Saul when the older man leaned in to look at Jesse’s weight. “One twenty-three,” she reported before writing the number down in the chart. “Now let me get your height. Five foot, six inches.” She jotted in the chart and then picked it up. “Let’s go into room three.” She motioned to a door on the left. “Have a seat.” She indicated the end of the exam table. “And there’s a chair for you,” she told Saul, pointing to one against the wall.

“And the doctor is doing a routine physical for you today?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess.” Jesse swallowed. “And I’m in a lot of pain. I was in a car accident”

“Where is the pain located?”

“Uh, all over.”

“All over.” The nurse wrote down a few more notes. “Have you been under a doctor’s care recently?”

“Um, well, not really.”

“Okay.” The nurse opened a drawer and pulled out a cotton gown. “Go ahead and take off everything and put this on, opening in the back. Dr. Mahabir is finishing up with another patient, so she should be right in.” She opened another drawer and pulled out a folded sheet. “You can cover up with this if you feel cold.”

“Yeah, okay, thanks.” Jesse waited for the nurse to leave, then got to his feet. He hesitated, then began stripping off his clothes, shoving them at Saul. When he was naked, he struggled to get into the gown.

“Here, let me help,” Saul said, getting to his feet and putting Jesse’s clothes in his abandoned seat. He took the gown and held it open, sliding it up Jesse’s arms, and then pulling it around Jesse’s back. “So, uncle?”

Jesse glanced up at Saul. “You think I shouldn’t have...?”

“No, that’s fine. You’re doing great, kid.” Saul shook out the sheet and draped it over Jesse’s shoulders before gathering up Jesse’s clothes and retaking his seat, watching as Jesse settled on the exam table again.

Jesse nervously patted his knees, sitting up when there was a knock and the door opened and a nice looking dark-haired woman in a white lab coat came in holding his chart.

“Good morning, Mr. Walker.” She held out her hand. “I am Anita Mahabir.” She shook Jesse’s hand and then looked at Saul.

Saul clutched Jesse’s clothes to him as he stood and offered his hand. “Gene Taylor,” he said. “I’m his uncle.”

“Pleasure to meet you. I wish all of my patients would bring a medical advocate with them. It makes communication so much clearer for the patient.” She washed her hands and slipped on a pair of latex gloves before turning her attention to Jesse. “Mr. Walker, the nurse tells me you were in an automobile accident and are in a lot of pain?”

Jesse cleared his throat. “Um, yes, ma’am. And you, uh, you can call me J.J.”

“And where is this pain located?”

“Uh, all over.”

The doctor peered carefully at the scars on Jesse’s face and then reached for the sheet. “May I remove this for a moment?” When Jesse nodded, she gently pushed the material behind the young man onto the exam table. She took his left arm and lifted it to examine the bruising on it, looking closer at the abrasion around his wrist. Next she examined his right arm and both legs. “I’m going to remove the gown from your upper body,” she explained as she did so. “Aside from the bruising, have you had any serious injuries?”

Jesse swallowed. “Uh, yeah. I had some ribs busted, and my kidneys were bruised. And, uh, my face. My cheek was busted and the zi…, uh… The bone by my eye.”

Dr. Mahabir looked at Jesse. “The zygomatic bone?” When Jesse nodded, she asked, “How were those broken?”

Jesse cleared his throat. “I got a beatin’.”

“Must have been some beating,” the doctor replied as she pulled the young man’s gown down to look at his stomach before moving around to examine his back. She paused to examine a large burn scar between his shoulder blades, then she pulled her stethoscope from around her neck and put the plugs into her ears. “I’m going to listen to your lungs. Deep breaths, please.” She moved to listen to his front and then she removed the stethoscope and replaced it around her neck. “Your lungs are a little congested. Do you have asthma?”

“Not that I know of.”

The doctor nodded. “Please stand so that I can examine your genitalia.”

“Uh, everything down there’s fine.”

“Please don’t be embarrassed, J.J. I need to thoroughly examine you.”

Jesse reluctantly stood up on the small step attached to the bed and pulled his gown back to cover his ass while the doctor checked his penis and testicles, hoping his face wasn’t as red as it felt. He turned his head and coughed when instructed to do so.

“Now a quick turn around,” the doctor instructed. When Jesse didn’t move, she said, “J.J., please turn around.”

Jesse turned pleading eyes on the doctor, then sighed and turned around. “It’s not… I didn’t want it.”

Dr. Mahabir gently ran her gloved finger over the crude swastika carved into Jesse’s left butt cheek. She glanced over her shoulder at Saul, noting the other man’s shocked expression before returning her attention to Jesse. “All right, J.J., you may put your gown on and sit down.” While the reticent young man did as he was told, the doctor pulled a small wheeled stool close to the exam table and sat down. She glanced over his chart and then met his gaze. “J.J., while I have no doubts that you are in considerable pain, I cannot attribute any of these wounds to an automobile accident. I believe they were caused by someone meaning to harm you. How did those happen?” When Jesse glanced at Saul, the doctor stood up and turned to the older man. “Would you please step outside for a moment?”

“No,” Jesse said. “I want him to stay.”

“Just for a moment,” the doctor insisted. “Please.”

“Yeah. Sure.” Saul reluctantly got to his feet and put down Jesse’s clothes. “I’ll be right outside, kid.”

Jesse watched Saul leave then looked expectantly at the doctor.

“J.J., this is a safe place,” the doctor began. “You can tell me anything and I am bound my oath not to tell anyone.”

“Like a lawyer?”

The doctor smiled. “Yes, exactly like that.” She sobered. “Is your uncle the one who hurt you?”

Jesse’s mouth dropped open. “No! He’d never hurt me. Jesus!”

“All right, calm down,” the doctor soothed. “I’m sorry, but I needed to ask that. I see abusive relationships all of the time, and I know it is often difficult to talk about the abuser. Especially if it is someone close to you.”

“Yeah, well, the asshole who did this wasn’t close to me,” Jesse shot back.

“All right.” She got up and went to the door and opened it. “You may come in.” She smiled at Saul. “Thank you for your patience and understanding.”

“Yeah, no problem.” Saul gave Jesse a quick pat on the shoulder before taking his seat again.

The doctor returned her attention to Jesse. “Can you tell me exactly what was done to you?”

When Jesse hesitated, Saul asked, “Would it be easier if I left again?”

“Probably. But I don’t want you to.” Jesse took a deep breath. “There was this dude. I sort’a met him through a friend. Nice enough, but I could tell he wasn’t...normal? I guess you could say. Anyway, him and a few of his friends kind’a kidnapped me. They kept me chained up and beat me...” he waved his hand in front of his face, “cut me, basically starved me.” He shrugged. “That’s about it.”

“Were you sexually assaulted?”

_“Hey, who wants to play hide the pickle with the little rat?”_

Jesse drew in a ragged breath. “The other guys...”

_“Hey, who wants to play hide the pickle with the little rat?”_

Jesse blinked rapidly as he began gasping for breath. _So many hands grabbing at him..._

_“Hey, who wants to play hide the pickle with the little rat?”_

Jesse buried his face in his hands. _Hands pulling at his clothes..._

“J.J.?”

_“Hey, who wants to play hide the pickle with the little rat?”_

“No, stop, please!”

“J.J.!” The doctor moved closer to the distressed man. “J.J., whatever you’re seeing is not real. Look at me, J.J. I am Dr. Mahabir and you are in my office.” She smiled when Jesse lowered his hands and met her gaze. “Yes, you are all right now.” She got up and filled a small paper cup with water and handed it to Jesse.

“Thanks.” Jesse reached out with a shaking hand and took the cup and gulped down the water. He looked at the doctor. “’M sorry.”

The doctor regarded him with curiosity. “What are you sorry for, J.J.?”

Jesse shrugged. “I dunno. For bein’ such a pussy.”

“J.J., you have undergone a great trauma. I would be more concerned if you weren’t upset from it.” She paused before asking, “Were you sexually assaulted?”

Jesse cast a sad glance at Saul, and then nodded at the doctor. “Just a couple’a times.” He looked down at his hands. “A couple’a guys made me blow ‘em. A couple’a guys fucked me.” He shrugged. “Mostly they did shit to humiliate me.”

The doctor stared at Jesse for a moment. “Have you reported this to the police?”

“No! No police!”

“J.J., if I suspect there is someone who might be a danger to the public, I would be remiss if I didn’t contact the police.”

“No!” He stood up and reached for Saul. “Gimme my clothes.”

“Wait a minute,” Saul suggested. “Let’s talk about this.”

“No, I’m done talkin’.” Jesse grabbed at his clothes. “She said it was safe, like a lawyer, that I could tell her anything.”

Saul turned his attention to the doctor while Jesse started hurriedly pulling on his clothing, despite the doctor trying to talk him out of it. “What about H.I.P.P.A.?”

“Can everyone please calm down for a moment?” Dr. Mahabir looked at Jesse. “Please sit down. Please.”

“Go ahead,” Saul told Jesse when the younger man looked at him for guidance.

The doctor sat on her stool and took a deep breath. “Yes, there are stringent rules about doctor/patient confidentiality. However, there are also exceptions to those rules. I must report any suspected child abuse, or gunshot wounds. And, as I said before, if I suspect someone might be a danger. I am terribly concerned about these men that kidnapped you. What if they kidnap someone else and subject them to the same torture as you?”

“They won’t.”

“How can you be so sure?”

Jesse met the doctor’s stare evenly. “I just know they won’t.”

Saul straightened in his chair. “Look, doctor, I know you have concerns about these people, but my only concern right now is J.J. He needs someone who’s going to help him, not just stress him out more. If you can’t do that, we’ll find another doctor who can.”

The doctor studied the older man, then nodded. “Yes, of course.” She turned her attention to Jesse. “I am sorry if I upset you. I would very much like to help with your recovery, if you will let me.”

Jesse looked at Saul, who shrugged. He studied the doctor for a moment, then said, “Yeah, that’d be cool. But no cops.”

“I promise, no police.” The doctor picked up his chart. “I’m going to order multiple tests - blood work, x-rays - so we can treat your physical injuries. I’m also going to recommend a nutritionist to help you regain some weight.” She looked at Jesse. “I assume your usual weight is more than one hundred and twenty-three pounds?”

Jesse shrugged. “I don’t usually weigh myself.”

“I think he’s usually in the upper one-thirties.” Saul smiled at the doctor. “He’s always been a skinny kid.”

“’M not skinny, I’m lean,” Jesse muttered.

“Well, we’ll want to see you back up to your usual weight.” She took out her prescription pad. “And I’m prescribing a good silicone gel to help fade your scars. Also, an inhaler for your congested lungs. What are you taking for pain now, J.J.?”

“Advil. But it doesn’t really help much. I don’t think you can prescribe what would help.”

“Marijuana?” When Jesse nodded. the doctor said, “Yes, unfortunately, Nebraska has yet to allow the use of medical marijuana. As far as I know, Michigan and Colorado are the two closest states that have it. Although you wouldn’t be able to get it there and bring it here anyway, since it’s still illegal here.” She held up a finger. “However, I have several options for pain meds that I think will give you relief. Do you now have, or have you ever had, an addiction problem?”

“I used meth for a while. And heroin. But I wouldn’t call ‘em an addiction. I used ‘em ‘cause I wanted to, not ‘cause I needed to.” Jesse sighed. “I know, that’s what every addict says, huh?”

The doctor studied Jesse for a moment before asking, “You’re not using now?”

“No. Honest to god, I haven’t had nothin’ for over six months, and I don’t plan on ever usin’ again.”

The doctor tapped her pen against Jesse’s chart. “Okay, I am going to give you a limited prescription for oxycodone and I expect you to use it exactly as the label says, agreed?”

“Yeah, I promise.”

“I’m going to have the nurse draw some blood, and I want a urine sample, then come into my office for my treatment plan.”

“Uh, can Gene come too?”

The doctor smiled at Saul. “By all means.” She stood. “I’ll see you in my office shortly, J.J.”

“Yeah, thanks, doctor.” Jesse smiled and watched the doctor leave, then turned his attention to Saul. “Well, now you know it all.”

Saul got up and moved to the exam table, slipping his arms around the younger man. “I don’t think I know it all by a long shot, but we have plenty of time for that. You did really good here. That was some heavy shit and you told her and you kept it together.” When the other man snorted, he amended, “You only had a little freak out, and the doctor talked you out of it pretty fast.” He kissed the top of Jesse’s head. “I am so proud of you.”

Jesse looked up at Saul. “She asked if you did this to me.”

Saul sighed. “Yeah, that’s what I figured when she told me to step outside. But I’m glad she did, shows she’s on the ball. I like her.” He glanced at the door when it opened and a nurse came in carrying a small tray. He backed away from Jesse and towards the door. “I’m gonna go wait in the hall.”

“Oh, you don’t have to leave. I’m just doing a blood draw.”

“Yeah, he does,” Jesse told the nurse. “One look at that needle and…” He simulated someone fainting.

“Hey, it’s a phobia,” Saul said indignantly.

The nurse looked between the two men, then smiled at Saul. “Maybe it would be better if you waited outside.”

“Yeah.” Saul hurried into the hall, ignoring the chicken noises Jesse was making. He slumped against the wall and squeezed the bridge of his nose. _Christ, I should’ve made Kim come instead of me. She’s so much better at this stuff._ He straightened up when the nurse exited the room.

“All done. He’s finishing getting dressed.” She paused and studied Saul for a moment. “Do you need to sit down? You look a little pale.”

Saul drew a shaky breath. “No, I’m good.” He gave her a tight-lipped smile. “Thanks.”

Dr. Mahabir poked her head around the corner from where she stood at the nurse’s station. “Show him to my office, Nancy. I’m giving Mr. Walker a consult when he’s finished.”

“Sure. Right this way,” the nurse said, leading Saul down the hall. She opened a door and motioned to the two chairs facing a large desk. “I’ll bring J.J. over when he’s done with his urine sample.”

“Thanks.” Saul walked into the office and sat in the chair furthest from the door. He glanced around at the artwork on the walls, then smiled at the door when Jesse came in. “Hey, kid. Everything come out all right?”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “That’s original.” He plopped down into the chair next to Saul and looked around the office before he glanced casually at Saul. “So, you freakin’ out?”

Saul sat up straight. “What? No.” He cleared his throat. “Not freaking out, per se. Just…” he shrugged. “maybe a little uncomfortable.”

Jesse hesitated before asking, “Are you gonna tell Kim?”

Saul frowned. “No. I think you should.”

Jesse groaned. “I knew you were gonna say that.” He sighed. “Will you tell her if I ask you pretty please?”

“Really?”

Jesse slumped in his chair. “I don’t wanna have to tell her and see that look in her eyes. Please can you tell her?”

Saul patted Jesse’s knee. “Whatever you want, kid.”

Both men stood when the doctor walked in and she waved at them to sit.

“First, I want to tell you what a strong and brave young man you are. For someone who has suffered such a trauma, you are dealing with it amazingly well.” The doctor paused. “That said, I am afraid if we don’t address this right away, things will only get worse.” She held up her hand. “Don’t get me wrong: coming here was a good first step. We are doing a complete work-up and we are going to begin managing his pain. In addition to medication, I think we may be able to help with your pain in the long term by getting you into physical therapy.” She slid a business card across the desk. “We refer our patients to Omaha Physical Therapy. They have excellent therapists and get excellent results.”

Saul picked up the card. “Okay, we’ll give them a call.”

Dr. Mahabir sat up in her chair. “As for psychotherapists, I’m afraid I don’t know any local doctors who are well-versed in treating trauma such as J.J.’s. However, I can recommend a couple of local psychiatrists and psychologists for you to try.”

“So you think he needs to see a psychiatrist?”

“Oh, definitely.” The doctor looked at Jesse. “I know you’re having panic attacks. Are you also having nightmares?”

“Yeah.”

“Anything else? Flashbacks? Hallucinations?” When the young man nodded, Dr. Mahabir asked, “Do you ever have thoughts of suicide?”

Saul turned startled eyes on Jesse when he didn’t answer. “Do you?”

Jesse nervously scratched his head. “I mean, yeah, I’ve thought about dyin’, but I wouldn’t kill myself.” He sighed when he saw the sadness in Saul’s eyes. “I’m not gonna kill myself, okay?”

“Promise?”

Jesse drew an ‘X’ over his heart with his fingertip. “Promise.”

Saul returned her attention to the doctor. “You said you don’t know anyone local that handles trauma cases. But you know someone?”

The doctor nodded. “Dr. Anthony Bulatti. He’s done a lot of innovative work with P.O.W.s and disaster survivors. He works out of a small private hospital in Vermont. I don’t have a card for him, but here’s his name and contact information.” She jotted something down on a post-it note and handed it to Saul. “I went to medical school with him.” She pulled open her top drawer and searched for a moment before pulling out a sheet of paper and closing the drawer. “Here’s a short list of local therapists.” She looked at Jesse. “Call for physical therapy as soon as you can. In the meantime, take the oxycodone exactly as directed on the label, not only when you think you need it. We want to stay ahead of the pain. Hot baths should help, and try some mild stretching to get those muscles used to moving again.” She held up a finger. “Oh, yes, one more thing.” She opened another drawer and pulled out a small packet. “Nutritional guidelines and the number of a nutritionist. You’re not what I would call severely underweight, but you would benefit from gaining a few pounds. A nutritionist can get you back on track gradually, so you don’t shock your system.” She smiled sympathetically. “I know this is a lot to take in at one time. Do you have any questions?”

Saul thought for a moment, then shook his head. “Not that I can think of right now.”

“Kim’ll have a lot of questions.” Jesse smiled at the doctor. “She’s my aunt, and she usually has the brain among the three of us.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” Saul agreed.

Dr. Mahabir bit back a smile. “Just have her email or fax over any questions she has and I’ll answer them for her.” When neither man said anything else, she got to her feet. “Gentlemen, it was a pleasure to meet you. J.J., I look forward to working with you on your recovery.”

0 0 0

Kim finished looking over all of the paperwork and smiled at Jesse from where she was sitting on the living room floor. “Well, it certainly looks like Dr. Mahabir was a good choice. She’s got a solid treatment plan, and a good list of referrals. What did you think of her?”

“She’s pretty cool.” Jesse scratched his nose. “I felt like I could talk to her, y’know?”

“Good. That’s important.” Kim picked up the prescription bottle and read the label. “One every twelve hours. Did you want to start now?”

Jesse absently looked at his wrist, rolling his eyes when he saw he wasn’t wearing a watch. “What time is it?”

Saul looked at his wrist. “Quarter to four.”

“No, I’m gonna wait,” Jesse decided. “She said do exactly what it says on the label, so I don’t wanna have to get up in the middle’a the night to take it.” He reached out and picked up a small stack of papers. “I’m supposed to fill this out before I go see the shrink.” He looked at Kim. “Can you help me?”

Kim glanced quickly at Saul before returning her attention to Jesse. “Oh. So you’re going to start therapy?”

“Yeah, Dr. Mahabir said with all’a the shit I went through, I should get started on therapy right away. She said, otherwise all’a the nightmares and shit’ll probably just get worse.” He let out a big yawn and stood up from where he was sitting next to Saul on the loveseat. “I think I’m gonna go lay down for a while.”

“Oh.” Kim smiled. “I picked you up a few things. They’re in the bags on the floor by the dresser.”

Jesse walked to Kim, leaned over and kissed her on the top of the head. “You’re the bomb.” He gave Saul a meaningful look as he patted the older man on the head before going upstairs.

Kim looked at Saul. “Something wrong?”

Saul snorted. “Let me get a drink and I’ll tell you all about it.”

0 0 0

Kim stopped in the doorway of the dimly lit room. “J.J.?”

“Yeah, ‘m awake.”

Kim slowly crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed. “It’s coming up on seven. Jimmy went to get some Steak n Shake for dinner.”

“Right on.” Jesse rubbed his eyes. “Hey, thanks for the stuff. It’s awesome.”

“No problem.” Kim hesitated, then said, “You look pretty comfy there. Mind if I join you?” She gingerly stretched out next to the younger man when Jesse shifted around to make room for her. “This is nice.” she said as she settled her head on Jesse’s chest. “We don’t usually get to snuggle with Jimmy in the middle.” When Jesse snorted, she raised up a little and asked, “What?”

“It’s just funny,” Jesse replied. “You call him Jimmy. I call him Saul. His license says Gene. He’s like one’a those country singers with three names, Jimmy Saul Gene.”

Kim giggled as she put her head down. “We should definitely start calling him that.”

“Speakin’ of names, who’s Giselle?”

Kim let out a little groan. “It’s someone I made up one night with Jimmy.”

“Okay, if this has anything to do with French maid uniforms, don’t leave out any of the juicy stuff.”

Kim giggled. “No, nothing like that. This was a long time ago. Jimmy was down about something and we were at this bar. There was some guy there who was being a real jerk, so Jimmy got the bright idea to run a scam on him.”

Jesse smiled softly. “Yeah, he told me about his old Slippin’ Jimmy days.”

“He introduced himself as Viktor, with a ‘k’, and I was his sister, Giselle. We could tell the guy was some kind of financial planner from what he was saying on the phone. So we pretended we had just inherited a lot of money and we were arguing about the best way to invest it.”

“We? You mean you actually ran a scam on somebody?”

“What can I say? I was caught up in the moment.”

“Yeah, well, don’t ever try that as a defense. It don’t work.”

Kim patted Jesse’s chest. “I think I still have the top from that bottle of Zafiro Añejo somewhere. Jimmy got the guy to buy us the whole bottle. I wish I could’ve seen his face when he looked at the tab.”

“Seriously?”

Kim shrugged. “Jimmy’s good.”

“Yeah, well, Giselle sounds like she’s got it goin’ on too.” Jesse swallowed. “Did Jimmy Saul Gene tell you?”

“Yeah. I know sorry doesn’t help, but I am really sorry about what happened to you.”

“Yeah, well, it is what it is.” Jesse swallowed. “All’a that shit was nothin’. I didn’t tell the doctor this, but I tried to escape once, early on. They caught me right as I was about to get over the fence. I’d had enough. I told ‘em to just go ahead and kill me, ‘cause I wasn’t gonna cook for ‘em anymore.” He shook his head. “I should’a known...” He paused. “They wouldn’t kill me. Not while I could still cook for ‘em. So they tied me up and gagged me and put me in a car and drove to Andrea’s house. You heard’a Andrea, right?”

“The young mom, with the little boy? The one you helped out?”

“Yeah, the one I helped get out of the bad neighborhood.” He chuckled bitterly. “Anyway, they drive to her house. Todd went to her door and knocked. She answered and he must’ve told her I was there, ‘cause she came out onto the porch and was lookin’ in my direction. I was screamin’, tryin’ to warn her, then Todd pulls out a pistol and shoots her right in the back of the head.” He squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face in his hands. “I just pray to god that Brock didn’t find her...” he forced out between sobs.

“Oh my god,” Kim whispered, trying to find a way to comfort the distraught man. “J.J., I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine how horrible that must have been for you.”

“It was my fault. I never should’ve tried to escape.”

“No, it wasn’t your fault. Sweetie, you couldn’t have known they would do something like that.”

“And they said if I ever did anything stupid again, they were gonna kill Brock.”

Speechless, Kim just snuggled against Jesse, holding him as tightly as possible.

Jesse slid his arms around Kim. “I didn’t even love her. I met her at a meeting and I was gonna sell her meth. Then I found out about Brock. He was such a great little guy. I mean, I liked Andrea, you know? A lot. She was nice and all. But I really loved Brock. I was even willin’ to try to make a go with Andrea, so I could be Brock’s dad.”

“What happened?”

“Mr. White told me I should think about if I could really build a life with someone who I had to keep all’a these secrets from. She knew I was in the drug business, but not the other stuff. Not the really bad stuff. So I broke it off with her. I wanted them to be safe.” He choked out a sob. “I fucked that up too.”

“How did Todd even know about Andrea?”

“I dunno. I sure as hell never told him shit about nothin’.” Jesse paused, thinking. “Son of a bitch. It must’a been Mr. White. He went to Andrea’s lookin’ for me.” He clenched his jaw. “That mother fucker. He did everything in the world to protect his people, then he gives mine over to that psycho fuck!” He angrily pulled away from Kim and sat up. “Goddamn him!” He snatched up the bedside lamp and threw it, cursing when it only went as far as its cord would allow before falling to the floor with an unsatisfying thud. He got up and looked for something else to throw. Seeing the nearby dresser, Jesse hurried to it and grabbed one of the drawers by its knobs. “That goddamn mother fuckin’ bastard!” He jerked the drawer out and slung it across the room, its contents scattered on the floor.

“J.J., stop!” Kim demanded as she got up and went to him.

“Get away from me!” Jesse shoved Kim, sending the blonde back onto the bed. He pulled another drawer out and threw it.

Saul came rushing to the door. “What the hell is going on?”

Jesse let the drawer he was currently holding fall to the floor as he turned his anger on Saul. “And you, you mother fucker, you gave him whatever the fuck he wanted!”

“Wait!” Saul steeled himself and raised his hands to ward off the attack he saw coming. He grunted and threw his arms around the smaller man, using his greater size to try and get Jesse under control when the angry man plowed into him.

“Lemme go!” Jesse demanded as he tried to wriggle out of Saul’s grasp. “I’ll fuckin’ break your nose again!”

Kim scrambled off the bed and hurried to Saul and Jesse. “J.J., calm down. Jimmy didn’t do anything.”

Jesse glared at Kim. “You don’t know shit about what he did, bitch!” He strained against Saul. “Lemme go!”

“I’m not letting go until you calm down,” Saul said evenly. “Ow! Fuck!” he groaned when Jesse kicked him in the shin.

Kim grabbed Jesse by the hair. “Stop it right now!”

Jesse froze and squeezed his eyes shut. When Saul and Kim relaxed their grips, Jesse slid down to the floor into a tiny huddle, with his knees tucked under him and his arms over his head.

Kim’s hand flew to her mouth. “I’m sorry.” She bent down to rest a hand on Jesse’s back, pulling it away when the young man did a full body shudder.

“Get away from me! Leave me alone!”

“Come on,” Saul said, reaching out for Kim. “Let’s give him a minute.”

Kim followed Saul into the hall, tears filling her eyes. “Oh my god, what did I do?”

Saul slid an arm about Kim and guided her downstairs. “What happened? How did things escalate like that?”

Kim plopped down onto the loveseat next to Saul and started rubbing her forehead. “It’s my fault. He told me that Todd killed Andrea...”

Saul stiffened. “Todd killed Andrea?”

Kim nodded. “He tried to escape and instead of killing him, they took him to Andrea’s house and Todd shot her right in front of him.”

“Jesus Christ! What about the kid?”

“I guess he’s okay. He said they said they’d kill Brock if he did anything stupid again.”

Saul slumped against the back of his seat. “Goddamn it.”

Kim leaned back. “So instead of just being sympathetic, I had to open my big mouth and ask how Todd knew where she lived. He figured out that Walt must have told them, and that’s when he freaked out.”

Saul put his hand on Kim’s knee. “It’s not your fault. He’s so wound up, anything is likely to make him snap.” He hesitated before adding, “Just try not to let it get to you.”

Kim nodded and wiped her cheeks. “I just didn’t want him to hurt you.”

“Well, don’t worry. I’m tougher than I look. Plus, I have about seventy pounds on him.”

Kim inhaled a shaky breath. “You think we should go check on him?”

“You don’t have to,” Jesse said quietly as he slowly walked into the living room. “Please don’t,” he added when he saw Kim start to say something. “How come chicks always go for the hair?”

Kim’s cheeks reddened. “My grandma used to grab me like that when she wanted to get my attention.”

“Yeah, so’d my mom.” Jesse cleared his throat. “Can I bum a cigarette?”

“Of course.”

“I got you that cheeseburger you like,” Saul offered.

“Thanks, but I’m not hungry right now. I’ll eat it later.” Jesse slid a cigarette out of Kim’s pack and picked up her lighter before going out the front door.

Kim watched Jesse leave and then looked at Saul. “Did you know he started smoking again?”

“Nope. And I assume his doctor isn’t going to be happy about it either, since she just gave him an inhaler for congestion.” Saul inhaled deeply. “But I’m not going to tell him he shouldn’t. God knows smoking is the least of that kid’s problems right now.”

0 0 0

Saul followed Kim into the bedroom, squinting when she turned on the light. Surprised to see everything back in order, he started unbuttoning his shirt. He squinted down at the floor. “Oops, he missed a pair of socks.” He picked them up and carried them to the dresser, pulling open the third drawer. “Uh...”

“Oh, that’s J.J.’s drawer now,” Kim said as she shook out her jeans and folded them. “I moved your socks in with your boxers.”

Saul lifted out an opened packet of Pop-Tarts and a half-empty bag of Fritos and showed them to Kim.

Kim’s face fell. “I guess he’s hoarding?”

Saul sighed heavily as he replaced the food items and closed the drawer before opening his own drawer and putting his socks away. He dropped down onto the edge of the bed. “I don’t know what to do.”

Kim sat next to him. “We’re doing what we should be doing: we’re getting him help.”

“I know, but I feel like I should be doing more.” He turned hurt eyes on Kim. “I feel like it’s my fault he’s where he is.”

“Hey, now, none of that.” Kim ran her fingers through Saul’s hair. “You didn’t get him mixed up with Walter White.”

“Not at first, maybe, but I did later.”

Kim looked confused. “What?”

Saul shrugged. “When Walt quit cooking, I kept pushing Jesse to talk him into starting up again. I didn’t mean for the kid to get sucked back in, but I should’ve known Walt would keep him around.”

“You know as well as I do that Walt probably would have started cooking again eventually, and that he would have talked J.J. into cooking with him.”

“I guess.” Saul inhaled deeply. “There are just so many things I wish I could go back and change.”

“Well, you know that they say: would’a, could’a, should’a and three bucks will get you a cup of coffee.”

Saul smiled weakly. “Thank you, Socrates.” He stifled a big yawn. “Maybe things will be clearer in the morning.”

“Hopefully.” Kim stood to finish undressing. “Why don’t you go down and ask him to come to bed?”

“He said he was going to watch a little TV.”

“I know.” Kim slipped on her sleep shorts. “I’d just feel better if he slept with us.”

Saul got to his feet. “Okay, but if he says no, I’m not carrying him up.” He stopped at the door and looked back. “Not that I couldn’t if I wanted to.”

Kim smiled and pulled the band out of her ponytail, letting her hair fall lose around her shoulders as she went to her side of the bed. She stopped to straighten the lampshade, then got into bed. Without meaning to, she quickly drifted off to sleep.

0 0 0

_Todd dragged the end of the knife across Jesse’s face, making Jesse scream in agony. “What did you tell them?” Jesse shook his head and Todd slowly dug another bloody line into Jesse’s cheek. “What did you tell them?” Jesse shook his head as tears spilled down his cheeks. Todd suddenly pulled back his arm and stuck the knife into Jesse’s right eye..._

Saul startled awake with a moan dying on his lips. He raised up a little and glanced around the dark room, releasing his breath when he saw Kim and Jesse asleep on either side of him. He yawned and turned over, resting his hand on Jesse’s back as he settled in to sleep again. He closed his eyes and started to drift off when something made him open his eyes. He frowned, listening for any noise. There, a tiny gasp and Jesse’s body twitched. He raised up onto his elbow and focused his attention on Jesse. When it happened again, he whispered, “Jesse?” and gave the smaller man a gentle shake.

“Hmm, what?” Jesse mumbled. He took a deep breath and coughed. Then he resettled and started to go back to sleep.

“Wait.” Saul paused. “Are you all right? You’re breathing kind of funny.”

Jesse took another deep breath. “It’s the meds.”

“Should you sit up?”

“Dude, it’ll pass. Chill.”

Kim cracked open her eyes and rolled over to face the two men. “What’s wrong?”

“Jesse’s having trouble breathing.”

Kim sat up and turned on the lamp. “Should I call nine-one-one?”

“No!” Jesse rolled over and sat up. “Jesus fucking Christ. It’s from the meds. It’ll pass. Go back to sleep. Fuck.” He cast exasperated looks at the other two, then plopped back down onto his stomach, punched his pillow a couple of times, and tried to go back to sleep.

Saul shrugged at Kim, who switched off the lamp and resettled in her spot.

Saul waited a moment, then put his pillow against the headboard and settled back.

The three lay in silence until Jesse groaned and sat up. Grabbing his pillow, he left the room mumbling under his breath.

Kim sighed. “Great, now I’m never going to be able to get back to sleep.”

Saul thought a moment, then sighed heavily and got out of bed. “I’ll talk to him.” He went downstairs and into the kitchen. He filled a glass of water and walked into the living room and stood behind the recliner where Jesse was sitting. “Can I sit down?”

Jesse hesitated, then said, “I dunno, can you?”

Saul smiled as he sat on the loveseat. “You’ve been waiting since junior high to say that, haven’t you?” He took a sip of water and put the glass down on the coffee table. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, it seems like we’re all sorry about all kinds’a shit.” He glanced across the room to the staircase. “You might as well come all’a the way down, Kim. You’ll hear better.”

A moment later, Kim walked slowly down the stairs. “I was just coming to get a glass of water.”

Jesse pointed at the coffee table. “You can share Saul’s.”

Kim sheepishly settled onto the loveseat and pulled her knees up to her chest. “What’d I miss?”

“We’re all sorry,” Saul said quietly.

Kim snorted. “Ain’t that the truth.”

Jesse looked down and smiled, then he looked up at the other two. “You know, I’ve been thinkin’...” he glanced at Saul, “and yeah, it hurt.”

Saul held up his hands “I was not going to say that.”

Jesse continued, “I was thinkin’ about when we were all together last time, and how it didn’t seem so...” he spread his hands, “I dunno, so... claustrophobic.” He got up and paced a bit. “I dunno, maybe it’s ‘cause I just spent six months locked up in a cage, but I feel like the walls are closin’ in on me here.” He stopped and looked at Kim and Saul. “And you two... I love you both, honest to god, but you’re smotherin’ me here.” He held up his hand when Kim started to speak. “Please don’t say you’re sorry. I know you are. We all are. I just feel like if I don’t get outta here, I’m gonna hang myself in the closet.”

“Then let’s get out of here.” Saul sat up. “Since Jesse can’t get in to see a therapist for a couple more weeks, let’s go take a vacation.”

Kim sat on the edge of her seat. “That’s a great idea. At this time of year, most places won’t be crowded.”

Jesse dropped back into the recliner. “Yeah, but I don’t think I’m up for, like, Disneyland or anything.”

“Oh god, me neither,” Kim said, waving off the idea.

“There are all kinds of places around here if we just want a lot of space and to be away from people.”

“Yeah.” Jesse sat up. “That sounds awesome.”

Kim smiled. “Maybe a cabin in the woods. Or by a lake.”

Saul hesitated. “How rustic are we talking? I don’t want a place with an outhouse.”

“No, fuck that,” Jesse added. “I want modern conveniences, just out away from everybody.”

“I’m sure we can find any type of place we want.” Kim put her hand on Saul’s knee. “How about four star accommodations next to a lake, surrounded by peaceful woods?”

Saul nodded. “I’m sold.”

Jesse smiled. “Fuck, yeah, let’s go now.”

“How about we look for a place in the morning?” Saul replied, standing. “I need some more sleep.”

“I second that,” Kim said, getting to her feet.

Jesse let out a big yawn. “Yeah, that’s cool.”

Jesse followed Kim and Saul upstairs and settled into his usual spot in the bed. Once Saul was in place, Jesse snuggled close and rested his head on the bigger man’s chest.

Saul wrapped his arm around Jesse and nestled his chin against soft hair. Just as he was about to drift off, he realized something. “Hey, your breathing is better.”

“No shit.” Jesse adjusted his body to try and snuggle closer. “Trust me, dude, I may not know much, but I know my drugs.”

Saul smiled and pulled Jesse closer as he slung his other arm over the smaller man and held on tight.

0 0 0

Jesse stood atop the small rise and turned three-hundred-and-sixty degrees. “Holy shit! This place is awesome!”

Kim smiled. “The views are amazing.”

“Yeah, not exactly your typical cabin in the woods,” Saul added as he looked at the beautiful two-story log house.

Jesse put his hand above his eyes to shade the sun’s glare. “Hey, there’s woods down by the lake. Look at all the colors of the trees.”

They all turned when they heard a car approaching.

“That must be the owner,” Kim said. She waited with Saul and Jesse as an older man got out of the car and approached them.

“Howdy, folks. You must be the Taylors. I’m Jake Olsen, the owner of Eagle’s Nest.” He shook hands with everyone.

“We were just admiring how beautiful it is out here,” Kim remarked.

“That it is,” Jake agreed. “This property has been in my family for six generations, and we’ve worked real hard to keep the developers away. I hope it looks just the same when my great-great-grandkids own it.”

Jesse nodded. “Cool.”

Jake smiled at Jesse. “We got a lot of things around here for a young man like you to do. Fishing, swimming, hiking. We got some bicycles in the garage, along with several kayaks, which you’re more than welcome to use while you’re here.” He turned his attention to Kim and Saul. “Inside of the house is fully loaded, all appliances, wi-fi, TV with satellite hooked up, a nice little reading nook, a cupboard full of board games. And there’s a real nice gas grill out on the deck, and a fire pit. I fired up the hot tub last night, so it should be all set for you. We also got a real tipi out back if you feel like roughin’ it for a night or two.”

“Awesome!”

“The only thing you need to bring in is your own food and beverages. There’s a small town about a mile down the road that has a little grocery store and a couple of cafes and fast food places. If you want a bigger place to shop, Sioux Falls is about thirteen miles north-west of here. You can see their lights at night from the second floor.” Jake paused, thinking. “Oh yeah, I apologize it you find any rice laying around. We had a wedding here last week and as much as me and the missus tried to find it all, there’s usually a few grains that get away from us.”

Kim giggled. “Not a problem.”

Jake looked at them expectantly. “Any questions?”

The three looked among themselves before Saul said, “Nope. It sounds like this has everything we’d want or need.”

“All righty then. I’ll let you folks get settled. You have my number, give me a call day or night if you have any questions or problems. Oh, one more thing: we have a grounds crew that comes out on Thursday morning to mow the lawn and do some general clean-up, but they won’t bother you.” He smiled. “Enjoy your stay.”

“Oh, I’m sure we will,” Kim said. “Thank you.”

They all watched Jake get into his car and leave, before Saul turned to the others. “What say we unload the car first, and then all of the rest of the time is ours to do what we want.”

0 0 0

Kim, Saul and Jesse pulled their bikes to a stop in front of a small diner.

Saul slung his leg over the bike and stood, wincing a little. “Yep, I’m going to be walking funny for a while.”

Kim parked her bike next to Jesse’s. “It was barely over a mile.”

“It’s not the distance,” Saul replied. “It’s the damage to the equipment.”

“You’re just gettin’ old, man,” Jesse teased, slightly out of breath.

Saul looked at Jesse. “Says the guy who’s wheezing like my grandpa.”

Jesse smirked at Saul, then pulled out his inhaler and took a quick hit from it. As he stuffed it back into his pocket, he asked Kim, “So what’s the plan?”

“Well, we’re going to grab something to eat and then get something to grill for dinner tonight.” Kim looked at Saul. “Maybe some steaks? Ooh, and wine to go with it.”

“Yeah, let’s get some stuff for s’mores,” Jesse added. “We can try out that fire pit.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Saul held open the door to the diner and let Kim and Jesse precede him inside. “I’m looking forward to testing out that hot tub.”

0 0 0

“Oh, man, I could get used to this.” Saul stretched his arms across the ledge of the hot tub, careful not to spill his wine.

“I already am,” Kim sighed.

Jesse walked over from the fire pit carrying a plate. “Here ya go.”

“Ooh, s’mores,” Kim purred. “Bless you.” She took one off the plate and bit into it, moaning at the flavor. She smiled at Jesse. “Are you going to get in?”

“Yeah, come on in, kid, the water’s fine.” Saul smiled as he motioned between himself and Kim. “As you can see, it’s clothing optional.”

“Yeah, come on,” Kim encouraged. She patted the seat beside herself. “I even saved you a seat.”

Jesse thought a moment, then shrugged. “Here, hold this.” He held the plate out to Saul, who balanced the plate on the ledge. Jesse quickly shed his clothes and eased himself into the water, wincing when the heat aggravated some of his sores. “Oh, dude....” He slumped back and closed his eyes. “We gotta get one’a these.”

Kim smiled. “It’s already on my list.”

Jesse let out a huge yawn. “Man, that steak you cooked was killer. We gotta get one’a those grill things too.”

Kim reached out to Saul. “Hand me one of those please.” She took a s’more when Saul held out the plate to her. She took a bite and licked the chocolate off her finger before saying, “We should start making a list of everything we want for our new house.” She held the s’more out to Jesse. “Want a bite?”

Jesse shook his head. “I still feel like I’m digestin’ a whole cow.”

“Oh, poor sweetie.” She rubbed Jesse’s tummy and giggled. “Wow, that does feel full.” She frowned when she noticed Jesse grinning at her. “What?”

“You’re drunk.”

Kim look offended. “No, I’m not. I’ve only had a couple of glasses of wine.”

“Outta each bottle,” Jesse teased. “How many bottles is this?”

Kim looked at Saul, who held up two fingers. “Huh.” She looked back at Jesse. “I may be pleasantly buzzed, but I am not drunk.”

“Whatever,” Jesse replied. “It’s just that you’re really cute when you’re dr... uh, buzzed.”

“Aww...” Kim leaned over and put a chaste kiss on Jesse’s lips. “Well, I think you’re cute all of the time.”

Saul picked up the wine bottle to refill his glass, then held it out to Kim. “It’s almost gone. Want a top-off?” When Jesse snorted, Saul looked at him. “What?”

Jesse cleared his throat. “She already has her top off.”

“Yes, I do!” Kim stood up, raised her arms and shook her shoulders from side to side to show off her naked breasts.

Saul chuckled. “Yep, you’re now officially drunk.”

Kim smirked at Saul. “Do you think I’m cute?” She pouted when Saul shook his head no.

“I think you’re adorable.”

Kim beamed. She set down her empty wine glass and slid across the tub until she was next to Saul. “Well, I think you’re adorable too.” She leaned across him and picked another s’more off the plate, sat back and took a big bite. “Mm, these are so good.” She trained her gaze on Saul while licking her fingers when she was done.

Saul stared at Kim with his mouth hanging open. He quickly drained his own wine glass and sat it on the ledge before turning to Kim and pulling her in for a long kiss.

Jesse absently stretched his arms and legs as he kept his attention on the other two, smiling as they got more amorous.

Kim glanced at Jesse and held out her hand. “Come here, sweetie.”

Saul inhaled deeply and smiled. “Yeah, come here.”

Jesse shook his head. “Nah, I’m good. You guys go for it.”

Saul raised his eyebrows. “You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m just gonna let this hot water unkink my muscles.”

Kim and Saul looked at each other, then Saul pulled the blonde onto his lap and started kissing her.

Jesse settled against the back of the seat and dropped his head back to stare up at the stars as he listened to their gentle love-making, a content expression on his face.

0 0 0

Jesse stood at the edge of the lake and watched as a flock of ducks swam in the distance, trying to quell the aggravation he felt. He knew Kim and Saul just wanted to help, but he really wished they knew when to just back off and give him space. He took a deep breath. At least out here, there was plenty of room to get away.

He glanced around when he heard a noise. Realizing it was coming from the nearby wooded area, he started absently walking in that direction. He had only gotten a few hundred yards into the trees when he tripped over a hidden root and went sprawling to the ground.

“Fuck!” He lifted his right arm to look at the small gash he had gotten from a fallen branch. Feeling a little pain in his knee, the pulled it up to look at it, swearing when he saw the hole in his new jeans from a small, jagged rock. He stuck his finger into the hole and flinched when he touched a tender spot.

“Goddammit!” He picked up the rock and threw it as hard as he could. Then he picked up the branch, but dropped it again when he saw how large it was. He got to his feet and looked around. Seeing a smaller branch, he picked it up, flinching when a sharp twig dug into his hand. He threw it. “Bitch!”

Seeing another rock, he picked it up and threw it, then another, and another. He finally picked up the larger branch and started beating it against a large shrub, shouting as he let out his frustration.

0 0 0

Kim stuck her head into the TV room. “Hey, I made some grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup.”

“Fantastic.” Saul shut off the TV and got up and followed Kim to the kitchen. “Mmm, smells great.”

Kim pulled out a chair at the kitchen table and sat down. “I couldn’t decide if I should go look for J.J., or just let him come back when he’s ready.”

“It’s probably best if we just leave him alone for a while,” Saul said as he crumbled a couple of crackers into his soup.

They both looked over as the back door opened and Jesse walked in, sweaty, dirty and limping slightly.

Seeing the dried blood on his arm, Kim asked, “Are you okay?”

Jesse paused for a moment, then a smile slowly spread across his face. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m good,” he replied, his voice hoarse and raspy. He inhaled deeply. “That smells awesome. Lemme get cleaned up a little and I’ll be back.”

Kim looked at Saul, who shrugged and said, “I guess sometimes a guy just has to go out and be a guy.”

“Whatever works.” Kim picked up her sandwich and took a bite.

0 0 0

“Don’t go down the stairs...” Saul told the woman on the large TV screen. “You really don’t want to meet Mother Bates...” He threw a handful of popcorn into his mouth. “Don’t look in the rocker... Uh, what the hell?” He looked around when the screen and everything else in the room went dark, just then noticing the bright flash outside the window, which was quickly followed by a loud clap of thunder.

He rose from his easy chair and carried his bowl of popcorn and can of beer in search of the others. When he got into the living room, the opened curtains gave him enough light to navigate the room. He could hear Kim’s voice, so he followed it until he came to a large pile of quilts and blankets. Smiling, he quietly set down the items he was carrying and inched his way to the obvious opening to the tent. Grabbing the edges, he flung them apart and shouted, “Here’s Johnny! Oh shit!” He grunted when Jesse lunged at him, knocking them both onto the floor. “It’s me! It’s me!” he assured when he saw that Jesse had his arm pulled back preparing to hit him. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Asshole!” Jesse muttered as he slowly crawled back into the blanket fort.

“Jesus, Jimmy, what the hell?” Kim said, straightening out some of the material that had been pulled loose.

“I’m sorry,” Saul softly apologized again. “I was just kidding around.” He looked at the intricate set-up. “Nice work. Can I come in?”

Kim looked questioningly over her shoulder at Jesse.

Jesse smirked at Kim. “No boys allowed.”

Kim shrugged at Saul. “Too bad. So Sad.” She pulled the blankets together.

Saul startled slightly when there was a loud clap of thunder. “I’ll bring snacks.”

“We have snacks,” Kim replied.

“I’ll give everyone foot massages.”

There was a brief pause before Kim said, “Thanks, but we’re good.”

Saul sighed. “I promise I’ll be very good.”

There was another pause before Kim asked, “What’s the password?”

Saul frowned, then shrugged. “I’m a dick?”

Kim pulled apart the blankets. “Welcome, sister. And take off your shoes.”

Saul quickly slipped off his shoes and crawled into the fort and glanced around. “Wow, this is nice.”

“It was until we found out we had some psycho for a neighbor,” Jesse mumbled before resettling his head on Kim’s shoulder.

Saul smiled. “How did you know that’s what I was watching?”

Jesse looked puzzled. “What?”

“Psycho?” When Jesse’s face stayed blank, Saul waved it off. “Never mind. So, what are we doing?”

Kim held up a book. “I’m afraid you’ll be joining ‘The Hunger Games’ already in progress.

“Cool.” Saul stretched out next to Kim and pulled a pillow under his head while Kim caught Jesse in the crook of her arm as she opened the book, held up her flashlight and began reading. “Oh, thanks,” he whispered when Jesse held out a cookie to him. He took it and shoved it into his mouth. Noticing Jesse’s hand still sitting on Kim’s stomach, he reached out and closed his hand around it, smiling softly at Jesse when he saw the younger man looking at him.

0 0 0

When they all began stirring from their impromptu nap, Jesse looked at Kim. “You read really good.”

Kim smiled back. “Thanks. I’ve always loved to read, ever since I was a little girl.”

“I like to read too,” Saul added quietly. “Although I never really feel like I have the time to anymore.”

“Yeah,” Kim agreed wistfully.

“I never really got the hang of it,” Jesse said, staring up at the ceiling of their blanket fort.

Kim glanced at him. “What do you mean?”

“I never really got the hang of reading.” Jesse shrugged. “I guess that’s one’a the reasons why I’m so stupid.”

Kim’s mouth dropped open. “Who said you were stupid?”

“Lotsa people.” Jesse shrugged again. “It don’t bother me. I mean, I am stupid.”

“Don’t say that!” Kim raised up onto her elbow. “You are not stupid.” She studied the young man for a moment, then laid down. “I don’t know why anyone would call you that.”

“When I was a little kid, one’a my teachers told my folks I should be put in special ed ‘cause I was readin’ way below my level.” He snorted. “She might as well’ve just told my dad that I was the devil for as mad as it made him. Nope, no son of his was special ed. I was just lazy and unmotivated. I just needed to apply myself.” He groaned. “God, all’a the times I got that written on my tests and shit. ‘Specially ‘old red pen of doom’ Mr. White.”

Saul looked over at Jesse. “Walt was your teacher?”

“Yeah. Junior year chemistry. That’s how he was able to track me down: I was still in the Wynne school records.”

Saul frowned. “What do you mean, track you down?”

Jesse frowned back at the older man. “When he came to me to teach him how to cook.” He rolled his eyes. “Oh yeah, that’s right: you thought Mr. White single-handedly built his meth empire.” He snorted and looked back up at the ceiling. “Dude didn’t know squat about cookin’ til I taught him. He went on a ride along with his D.E.A. brother-in-law the day they busted my lab. Luckily, I was next door with the neighbor lady, but they got Emilio.” He glanced at Saul. “You remember Emilio Koyama? You got him off a couple’a times for drug busts.” He waved it off. “Never mind. Anyway, Mr. White had found out he was dyin’ a cancer and he wanted to make some cheddar to leave his people before he passed. I guess he figured cookin’ was easy money, which it really kind’a is, so he came to me and told me if I didn’t teach him, he’d turn me over to the cops.” He swallowed. “And that was the beginning of our beautiful friendship.”

Wanting to move the conversation away from Walter White, Kim asked, “What happened with your reading? Did anyone ever get you tested?”

Jesse shook his head. “Dad wouldn’t allow it. So I just kept getting further behind, but they kept passing me on to the next grade. By the time I got to high school, I’d pretty much given up on learnin’ anything. I mean, here are all’a these kids just breezin’ through this shit, and I had to read every paragraph like ten times and I still didn’t know what it said. My folks started out promisin’ me all’a this shit if I made A’s on my report card, like takin’ me to Disneyland. When that didn’t work, they started takin’ stuff away if I didn’t get good grades. That’s the main reason I started cookin’, ‘cause I needed the cash.”

“Who taught you to cook?” Saul asked.

“Emilio.”

“He showed you, right?”

“Yeah?”

“How many times did he have to show you before you got it?”

“Once. So what?”

“So, you’re not stupid, your father is,” Kim interjected.

Jesse smiled. “I always thought so, but what do you mean?”

“People learn differently. Some are good at reading, but some are good at watching.” Kim turned her head towards Jesse. “They say Albert Einstein did terribly in school, but he was actually a genius.” She took Jesse’s hand in hers. “I bet if your folks had gotten you tested, they probably would have found out that you have a learning disability, like dyslexia. It doesn’t mean you’re stupid, or that you can’t learn, it just means that you need to be taught differently.”

Jesse thought a moment. “Huh.” He shrugged. “Oh well, it doesn’t matter now.”

0 0 0

Saul stopped in the doorway and looked at Kim. “Hey, I’m going down to the lake. Wanna come?”

Kim thought a moment. “No, not right now.” She held up a book. “I just got to the good part.” She looked at him in his swimming trunks with a short-sleeved shirt in one of his hands. “Did you put on any sunblock?”

“Nah. I want to get some color.”

Kim smiled. “Just make sure it isn’t red.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Saul waved and went downstairs, glancing around for Jesse. When he didn’t see the younger man, he left through the back door and headed down the path towards the lake. “Shine on, shine on, harvest moon,” he began crooning as he walked, enjoying the pleasantly warm day and the beautiful scenery. “What the...?” He pulled up short when something dropped down onto the ground mere inches from him. He bent over and picked up a pinecone and just straightened up when another bounced off his shoulder. He stepped out of the way when another one came flying at him from the nearby woods.

He started ambling for the trees, keeping his eyes open for more projectiles, letting out his breath when he made it to the tree-line unscathed. He looked up, trying to spot his attacker, smiling when he finally saw Jesse halfway up a tall pine. “Hey, monkey boy, what’s up besides you?”

Jesse looked down from where he was sitting on a branch. “Dude, you should climb up here. The view is awesome! I can see all the way across the lake. There’s about a million cows and some gigantic cow houses.”

 _Cow houses?_ Saul smiled. “Yeah, I don’t think so. You’re the monkey in this family.” He flinched when Jesse started hurrying down through the tree. “Careful.”

Jesse got down to the last branch and dangled from it before dropping to the ground. “Chill, dude. Monkeys don’t fall outta trees.” Jesse moved next to Saul and ran his gaze appreciatively up and down the taller man’s body. “Dude, look at you.”

“What?” Saul looked down at himself. “Do I have my trunks on inside out?”

“No, man.” Jesse stepped closer. “You’re just lookin’ all hot and shit.”

Saul raised his eyebrows. “Have you been drinking?”

“No. Shit!” Jesse turned away in aggravation, then turned to face the other man again. “I’m just sayin’ you look good, okay?” He licked his lips and stepped closer still. “I mean, like, really good.” He took Saul’s head in his hands and gave him a deep kiss, pulled back and smiled, then kissed him again.

Saul let his shirt fall from his hand as he wrapped his arms around the smaller man and pulled him close as he devoured Jesse’s mouth.

Jesse pulled back. “Not here.” He took Saul by the hand and started hurrying through the trees. “Watch out for that root,” he pointed out at a spot on the ground.

Saul smiled when he saw that Jesse was dragging him towards a small clearing within the trees. “Nice.” He let Jesse pull him down onto a quilt on the ground, then took the young man into his arms and started kissing him.

Jesse slid out of Saul’s arms and began playing with the tie on the older man’s trunks. “Yeah!” He pulled the trunks down when Saul lifted his ass to make the removal easier. Jesse tossed the trunks aside and turned his full attention on Saul’s filling erection. “Hey, big guy,” he whispered to it. “I’ve really missed you.” He licked his lips and then slid his mouth over the head.

“Jesus!” Saul laid back and slid his hands on either side of Jesse’s head, spreading his legs to give the smaller man easy access to his balls.

Jesse spent a few more moments sucking Saul’s cock, then he jumped up and started tearing off his own clothes. “I need you to fuck me right the hell now!” he said as he dropped down naked next to the bigger man.

“Ohgodyes!” Saul hissed as he pulled Jesse into his arms and rolled them over, settling himself between Jesse’s legs.

Jesse reached up blindly above his head until he grasped a tube of sunscreen. “Here, use this.” He shoved the tube at Saul.

“Good planning.” Saul popped the top and slicked up his fingers before starting to play with Jesse’s ass.

“Kim made me bring it,” Jesse gasped out as he planted his feet and lifted his ass off the ground, letting out a long moan when one of Saul’s fingers entered him.

“Remind me to thank her.” Saul thrust his fingers in and out of Jesse, then squirted more sunscreen out to slather on his cock. Taking his cock in hand, he hesitated long enough to ask, “You sure about this?” when he noticed Jesse wasn’t hard. When Jesse just glared at him, he mumbled, “Okay, okay,” and lined his cock up with Jesse’s tight hole and slowly pressed in.

“Yeah, bitch!” Jesse wrapped his arms and legs around Saul and moved in time with the bigger man’s thrusts. “Yeah, c’mon, dude, fuck me like you mean it!”

Saul chuckled breathlessly as he quickened his movements, moving his hips until he could tell he was hitting Jesse’s sweet spot with each thrust. “Come on, kid, give it up for me.” Saul clenched his jaw as he started rapidly thrusting into Jesse, feeling his own release nearing. “Fuck!” he grunted as he came, his thrusts slowing until he was spent and he withdrew and collapsed onto the smaller man.

“Holy shit,” Jesse breathed. He frowned when Saul raised his head and he could see that the older man was crying. “You okay?”

Saul nodded. “I’ve missed you so damn much.”

Jesse reached up and tenderly thumbed the tears from Saul’s cheeks, then he pulled his head down for a soft kiss. “No, don’t move,” Jesse said when he felt Saul start to slide off him. He wrapped his arms and legs around the older man and held on tight. “I wanna stay like this forever.”

After a couple of moments passed, Jesse cleared his throat. “Uh...”

Saul chuckled and slowly untangled himself from the smaller man, turning onto his side so he could look at Jesse as he caressed the young man’s chest. “Was it okay for you?”

“It was the bomb.” Jesse played with Saul’s hair. “Dude, I swear to god you got the best dick in the whole world.”

Saul raised his eyebrows. “Wow. The whole world?” He cupped Jesse’s flaccid cock. “What about yours? Where does it rank?”

Jesse raised one eyebrow. “You tell me.”

“Hmm. Well, I guess we’ve already established it can’t be number one. However, I think it’s definitely a close runner-up to mine. But I think maybe it’s time to take it in for a tune-up.” Saul hesitated before asking, “How come you didn’t tell the doctor?”

Jesse shrugged. “It’s not that important.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I haven’t really been in the mood lately, you know?”

Saul frowned. “So what was this?”

“I needed the closeness.” Jesse pushed the bigger man onto his back and then burrowed up against him, sighing happily when strong arms wrapped tightly around him.

Saul kissed the top of Jesse’s head. After a moment, he said, “Hey, roll over on your side.” When Jesse complied, Saul snuggled in behind him and slid his arm around the smaller man’s waist as he began nuzzling Jesse’s shoulders. “Your damn freckles have been teasing me for days,” he said quietly between gentle kisses.

Jesse covered Saul’s arm with his own as he nestled back against the bigger man. “I’m gonna miss this.”

“Yeah, this place is nice.”

Jesse exhaled deeply and closed his eyes.

0 0 0

Kim glanced at the backdoor when it opened, smiling when Jesse and Saul walked in. “Hey, I’m making some mac and cheese.” She smiled when she saw Jesse drop the tube of sunscreen onto the counter. “Good. You used it.” When both men smirked, she groaned. “Oh, don’t tell me you used it for lube. I’m not even sure you can use it for that.”

“Yeah, you can,” Jesse said as he gave Saul a quick kiss on the lips and started for the stairs. “I’m gonna wash up.”

“I meant that I think it’s only for external use,” Kim called after the retreating man. She fixed Saul with a pointed look. “What were you thinking?”

Saul shrugged. “I wasn’t. The big guy was.”

Kim closed her eyes and sighed, then looked at Saul and smiled. “I’m glad he was able to...”

“Well, he wasn’t exactly able to,” Saul interjected. “He said he just wanted the closeness.”

Kim pursed her lips. “I guess it’s not surprising, after all he’s been through. Still, it has to feel like just one more thing for him to have to deal with.”

“He seemed to enjoy it, though, so that’s good.” Saul smirked. “What can I say? When you got it, you got it.” He caught the dish towel when Kim tossed it at him.

“Yeah, yeah. Go clean up.” Kim smiled as she returned to her cooking, listening as Saul whistled happily on his way upstairs.

0 0 0

“I can’t believe how great the weather has been.” Kim stuck the end of her stick over the fire pit and watched as her hot dog began to sizzle. “Other than the one thunderstorm, it’s been fantastic.”

Saul stretched. “This whole trip has been fantastic.”

“Yeah, too bad it’s almost over,” Jesse added quietly.

Kim touched Jesse’s shoe with the tip of her shoe. “Now that we know how great this place is, we can come back.”

“Yeah,” Jesse replied wistfully, then he sat up. “Dude, hand me the grapes.” He held his hand out to Saul, who gave him a large plastic bowl filled with grapes. He pulled one off and tossed it into the darkness. He chuckled. “Combo loves grapes.”

Kim and Saul exchanged surprised looks, then Kim cleared her throat. “I was thinking about biking into town tomorrow.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Saul frowned when Jesse threw more grapes into the darkness.

“Badger and Skinny Pete came with him tonight.” Jesse looked at Saul. “You think they like hot dogs?”

Saul smiled weakly. “Who doesn’t like hot dogs?”

Jesse picked a hot dog up out of the nearby package and started tearing off pieces and throwing them into the darkness. “Dude, share with your friends.”

Kim turned around on the stump she was seated on to look in the direction Jesse was throwing things. All of a sudden, she saw a small glare and threw her hand to her chest. “Oh my god, there’s something out there!”

“Yeah, no duh,” Jesse replied, looking at Kim like she was crazy. He picked up a hot dog bun and tossed it towards the cabin, setting off the security lights and illuminating their visitors.

“Awwww...” Kim cooed. “They’re so cute.”

“Oh, jeez, raccoons,” Saul muttered.

“Yeah.” Jesse smiled, and then his smile faded. “What? Did you guys think I started feeding my hallucinations?”

“Which one is Combo?” Kim asked, changing the subject.

Jesse looked at her, then looked at the raccoons. “He’s the fat one in front. I think he’s the leader, or whatever they call it. He came here first by himself. Then he brought Badger, the big one on the left, and Skinny Pete, the smaller one on the right.” He squinted into the distance. “Huh, it looks like there’s another one back there.”

“It must be Jesse.” Kim smiled softly at Jesse, then frowned when he dropped his chin and started crying. She quickly moved to kneel next to him. “Oh sweetie, what’s wrong?”

Jesse swiped angrily as his cheeks. “I miss my friends! I miss how things used to be before Mr. White fucked ‘em all up!” He stood up and started pacing. “I used to have fun! I used to laugh instead’a cry all’a the time!” He stopped and looked at the others. “I used to be a normal person.”

Kim got to her feet and went to him. “This isn’t going to last.”

Jesse looked her straight in the eye. “You don’t know that. Maybe this is how I’m gonna be forever.”

Saul got up and joined them. “People recover from trauma every day. Maybe you won’t be the same carefree kid you were before, but I’m sure you’re going to get to the point where you enjoy life again.”

Jesse waved him off. “Yeah, well, you haven’t read through that seven page mental health questionnaire that Kim helped me fill out. They’re gonna take one look at that and lock me up in some crazy farm forever.”

Saul shook his head. “Look, kid, it’s not like you’re a mass murderer or anything.”

Jesse glared at the other man. “Oh no? So tell me how many people you gotta kill before they consider you a mass murderer, huh? ‘Cause in my book, anything over one is mass, right? Well, I’ve killed three people. Okay, one was self-defense, but I killed two guys in cold blood. I strangled Todd and broke his neck.” He paused and rubbed his forehead. “But I killed Gale for no good reason, other than Mr. White told me too.” He stared evenly into Saul’s eyes. “He was a really nice guy, but he knew how to make Blue Sky and Mr. White figured Gus was gonna replace us with Gale. Him or us, is what he said. I told Mr. White I couldn’t do it, so he said just get his address and I’ll take care of it. But then he called me and said Mike had picked him up and was gonna kill him so I had to kill Gale. He kept yelling at me to do it, so I just picked up my gun and drove to his house. I knocked on his door and he answered it all friendly like. I pulled out my gun and pointed it at him and he started begging me not to do it. I was crying and my hand was shaking so hard, but I did it: I pulled the trigger and shot him point blank in the eye.” He swallowed. “So what do you think now, counselor?”

“I think you weren’t responsible for your actions.”

“Fuck!” Jesse shook his head in disbelief. “Of course I was! I could’a told Mr. White to fuckin’ do it himself!”

“I don’t think you could have told him that,” Saul replied evenly.

Jesse snorted. “Why? ‘Cause Mr. White had some magical powers over me?”

“Yes, in a way.”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “Dude, you’re the one who should see a shrink.”

“No, he’s right,” Kim interjected.

Jesse waved her off. “Of course you’d take his side.”

“Well, only because he’s talking about a real legal defense strategy. You said it yourself: you told him you couldn’t do the killing, but by that time in your relationship, he had you convinced he was the only person you could trust. So when he called you and made it seem like a life or death problem that had to be dealt with immediately, you reacted the way you had been conditioned to react: do exactly what he told you to do when he told you to do it.”

Jesse squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his temples. “I don’t know what you’re saying, but I know that I’m the one who shot the gun that killed Gale.” He glared at them. “And that’s all there is to it.” He sighed. “I gotta piss.” He turned and hurried into the house.

Saul sighed. “Damn, I hope this therapist can talk some sense into him.”

“If he can’t, we’ll find one who can.”

0 0 0

“Hey.”

Kim and Saul turned their attention from the movie they were watching to where Jesse was standing in the doorway.

“I think I’m gonna go into town. You guys need anything?”

“Could you get me a pack of cigarettes?” Kim asked.

Jesse smiled. “Yep, and I’ll get my own so I don’t keep smokin’ up all’a yours.” He shifted his gaze to Saul.

“Yeah, can you pick up some more grapes?”

Jesse pursed his lips and nodded. “I can do that. Anything else?”

“Maybe something chocolate,” Kim added. “Oh, I know: some of those slice and cook chocolate chip cookies if they have them. Celebrate the wonderful ten days we’ve had here.”

“Will do.” When neither one said anything else, Jesse said, “I’ll be back in a little while.”

“Have fun.”

“Be careful.”

“Yep.” Jesse left the TV room and went to the bathroom. He opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out his pill bottle. Slipping it into his hoodie pocket, he went downstairs and out the door.

0 0 0

Kim looked over the where Saul was standing by the stove. “Hey, I already seasoned that.”

Saul replaced the lid on the pot of beans he’d been about to add salt to and turned to Kim. “Then what can I do?”

“The corn needs to be husked.”

“I can do that.” Saul picked up the three ears of corn and carried them to the table.

Just then the backdoor opened and Jesse walked in carrying two grocery bags. “Here you go.” He placed them onto the counter.

Kim smiled at Jesse. “I was starting to wonder if you got lost.”

“Nah, I was just lookin’ around town.” He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and handed it to Kim. “Here.”

“Did you get some?”

Jesse shook his head. “I decided to quit.”

“Good for you. So I should say no when you ask for one?”

“I won’t.” Jesse dumped out another bag. “They didn’t have the cookie rolls, but they had the ones that are already made into little cookies that you put on the pan and stick in the oven.”

“Better still,” Kim said putting the boxes into the freezer. “Less work.”

“And I got your grapes,” Jesse told Saul, pointing to the other bag.

“Thanks.”

Jesse pulled out a notebook and pen. “You need any help?”

“No, I think we’ve got it. Chicken is in the fridge marinating, beans are cooking and Jimmy’s taking care of the corn.” Kim smiled at Jesse. “We probably have about an hour until dinner.”

“Cool.” Jesse leaned back against the wall and watched as Saul and Kim laughed, talked and prepared dinner together. He sighed and straightened up. “I’ll be outside.” He slowly turned and went out the door.

0 0 0

“I told him an hour, right?” Kim asked as she looked around the dark yard.

“Yeah. He probably just lost track of the time.”

“But he’s never stayed out after dark. He doesn’t even have a flashlight with him.” Kim looked at Saul. “I’m worried,” she admitted. “He was acting strange last night.”

Saul blinked at the blonde. “He was?”

Kim looked pointedly at Saul. “You didn’t notice how quiet he was?”

“Well, yeah, but I just figured that was because we were going home tomorrow.”

Kim stood up from the patio table. “Come on, let’s go look for him. I’ll get the flashlights.”

Saul yawned and stretched before standing up. “Let’s check the house again before we go. There are all sorts of little nooks and crannies he could be sleeping in.”

Kim paused at the back door. “I looked everywhere in the house.”

“Okay. Then get the flashlights and we’ll go.”

Kim hurried inside and pulled two flashlights from the cupboard with the emergency supplies before going back outside. She handed one to Saul and turned on the one she was holding.

“This way,” Saul said, turning on his flashlight and starting down the path at a brisk walk. “I think I know where he might be.”

Kim hurried after Saul through the dark. She slowed her pace a little when they got into the trees, not wanting to trip over hidden roots.

“Not much further,” Saul gasped out between breaths. He pulled up short when the beam from his flashlight showed Jesse sitting on his quilt. “Hey, kid, what’re you doing sitting out here in the dark?”

Jesse continued looking down at his lap. “I finally get it.”

“Finally get what?” Kim dropped down next to Jesse.

Jesse looked up at Saul. “The ending of _Lord of the Rings_.”

“What about it?” Saul asked as he slowly lowered himself next to the younger man.

“When the Hobbits returned to the Shire? And nothing was like they remembered it? Only it was exactly the same, but they were the one’s who’d changed, so that’s why it seemed so different.”

Saul searched the clear blue gaze fixed on him. “Yeah, Tolkien was showing how hard it was for the veterans to go home again, after living through the horrors of World War I.”

“Merrie and Pippin and Sam were mostly able to readjust. But Frodo couldn’t. He knew he was never going to heal from gettin’ stabbed by that wraith sword. That’s why he decided to go into the west with the Elves. But, more important than bein’ hurt, he went because he knew that Sam would never be able to have a normal life because he still loved Frodo.”

Saul clenched his jaw. “So you’ve got it all figured out, huh?” He roughly cupped Jesse’s chin. “There’s only one problem: this isn’t a goddamn movie, and I’m not willing to let you make the noble sacrifice.”

Jesse dropped his gaze. “I couldn’t do it anyway.”

“Do what?” Kim inhaled sharply when Jesse showed her what he was holding.

“Jesus, kid.” Saul released Jesse’s chin and took the pill bottle out of the other man’s hands. “Did you take any?”

Jesse shook his head. He sadly picked up a few wadded up pieces of paper. “I couldn’t even write a stupid note.” He looked down as tears started rolling down his cheeks. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t wanna die, but I don’t wanna live either.”

Kim’s own tears flowed unheeded as she put her arm over Jesse’s shoulder. “I’m glad you couldn’t do it.”

“Yeah, me too,” Saul agreed, his own eyes watery. He cleared his throat. “Okay, first thing we’re going to do when we get home is get you in to see a therapist. I don’t care if we have to drive to New Hampshire to do it. No more of this ‘we don’t have any openings’ crap.”

Kim nodded. “We’ll call Dr. Mahabir and see if she can get you in to see someone.”

“Whatever.”

Kim tightened her arms around Jesse. “Let’s get you inside, sweetie. You’re freezing.”

Jesse let Kim help him to his feet and stood still while Saul picked up the quilt, shook it out and laid it over his shoulders. He didn’t resist when Kim and Saul started guiding him towards the house.

0 0 0

“That must have been very frightening for you,” Dr. Mahabir said over the phone. “How is he now?”

Kim looked over to where Jesse was sitting in the living room, staring blankly at the TV. “It’s like he’s given up,” she admitted. “He does things when we tell him to, but other than that, he just sits around staring off into space.”

“I know you don’t think so, but this was actually a good thing to happen. Not only did he not go through with his suicide attempt, but the fact that he is actively considering puts him at the top of the list for a psych evaluation.”

“So what do we do now?”

“Take him to the Medical Center emergency room and, if he can’t speak for himself, tell them that he is actively considering suicide. They will do an evaluation and transfer him to their psych ward.”

Kim frowned. “But I thought he was going to do out-patient therapy. You know, where he just goes to see his therapist once a week or whatever?”

“I’m afraid that option is no longer available to us. If, as you say, he has given up, he needs to be in a secure environment where they can monitor him twenty-four hours a day.” The doctor paused. “I know this is a difficult decision to have to make, but the alternative is much worse.”

Kim swallowed. “Okay, when should we take him?”

“The sooner, the better. I will call them and tell them to expect you.”

“Wow, okay, so like right now, huh?” Kim took a deep, steadying breath. “Okay, we can do this.”

“Just remember, the sooner J.J. begins therapy, the sooner he’ll be able to better cope with his issues.”

“You’re right. Okay, thank you so much, doctor.” Kim hung up, slumped against the kitchen counter and sighed.

Saul came into the kitchen, pausing to look over his shoulder at Jesse, before asking, “What’d she say.”

Kim cleared her throat. “We need to take him to the E.R. now, tell them he’s suicidal, and they’ll put him in the psych ward.”

“What?” Saul looked over his shoulder, then quietly asked, “Are you serious?”

“No, this is my idea of a really funny joke,” Kim shot back in exasperation.

“I’m sorry,” they both said in unison.

Saul slumped next to Kim. “So, what do we do? Tell him we’re taking him to the farm, then just shove him out in front of the hospital?”

“No, we tell him the truth.” Kim straightened up and started for the living room, stopping when Saul remained where he was. “Oh no, you don’t.” She went back and grabbed his arm. “We’re doing this together.”

0 0 0

Saul leaned forward in his chair and rubbed his eyes. “God, I hate hospital waiting rooms. Isn’t it bad enough we have to be here? Can’t they at least put in some comfortable chairs?”

“I know.” Kim put her hand on his back and started rubbing hard circles. “Why don’t you go get some coffee?”

“No,” Saul snapped back. “Last time I left...” He shook his head. “Never mind. But I’m not leaving.”

Suddenly a doctor appeared and called out, “Mr. and Mrs. Walker?”

Kim put her hand on Saul’s arm. “I think that’s us.” She stood with him and hurried over to the doctor. “How is he?”

“He’s definitely showing symptoms of depression and anxiety. He’s not too forthcoming about any suicidal ideations, but I’m fairly certain after the staff psychiatrist does his assessment, we’ll be admitting him.”

“Isn’t your assessment enough?” Saul pressed.

“I’m an E.R. doctor. Anyone going up to the ninth floor has to be seen by a psychiatrist before being admitted.”

“The psych ward.”

The doctor looked at Saul. “Yes.” He looked at Jesse’s chart. “There was one question J.J. wouldn’t answer, that I’m hoping you might be able to: how long has he been burning himself?”

Kim looked startled. “What?”

“He didn’t do it,” Saul replied. “I’m sure you noticed his other scars?” The doctor nodded. “I don’t doubt the same people thought it was funny to burn him with cigarettes too.”

“That would explain the older ones, but he has some that are only a few days old at most.” Seeing the stunned look on the other’s faces, he said, “I’ll just leave that for the psychiatrist.”

Kim rubbed her forehead. “Okay, so how long before he gets admitted?”

The doctor blew out his breath as he checked his watch. “There are a few people ahead of him.” He moved his head back and forth. “I’d say no longer than fifteen hours. Eighteen at the most.”

Kim’s mouth dropped open. “What?”

Saul started shaking his head. “No, that’s just ridiculous. If you can’t get someone down here to see him before tomorrow, we’ll take him somewhere else.”

The doctor frowned. “You can’t.”

Kim put her hands on her hips. “Watch us.”

The doctor shook his head in disbelief. “He’s on an automatic seventy-two hour hold. He’s not going anywhere until Friday at the earliest.”

Saul’s mouth dropped open. “Are you kidding me? You’re saying we...” he motioned between Kim and himself, “his family, can’t take him home with us when we were the ones to bring him here in the first place?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying. Once you bring someone with thoughts of suicide into the hospital, they’re put on a seventy-two hour hold. It’s the law. And it’s for the safety of the patient.”

“Well, crap.” Kim looked at Saul before returning her attention to the doctor. “Can we at least stay with him until he goes up?”

The doctor nodded. “There shouldn’t be any problem with you staying with him until the doctor comes down. However, if the nurse tells you to leave, you need to go. Come with me,” the doctor directed as he started off down the hall. “Also, he’s not in the regular emergency room now. He’s been moved to the psych waiting room, where the patients can be more closely monitored.”

Kim and Saul waited for the doctor to punch some numbers into a door lock, then followed him in to the crowded emergency room and down a long hall to another locked door.

The doctor punched in the code and said, “Wait here,” before disappearing inside.

Kim looked at Saul and frowned when she saw how pale and uncomfortable he looked. She put her hand on his arm. “Hey, are you okay?”

Saul nodded. “Just not a real fan of hospitals.”

Kim put her other hand on Saul’s chest. “Why don’t you go get some coffee or something? I can sit with him.”

“No, I can do this.” Saul startled when the door opened.

“Are you the Walkers?” a nurse asked.

Kim smiled. “Yes.”

“Right this way.” The nurse held the door open for them. “He’s down here, third bed on the right. J.J., you have some visitors.”

Jesse stirred on the bed, stretching and letting out a big yawn. “’Sup?”

“We thought you might like some company,” Kim said as she sat in a chair next to the bed.

“They treating you okay?” Saul asked as he leaned against a counter.

Jesse shrugged. “Yeah. They took my shoelaces and belt, but I guess that’s so I won’t hang myself. Oh yeah.” He slipped his hand into his pants’ pocket and pulled out his wallet. Holding it out to Kim, he said, “The nurse said I should give this to you to take home.”

“Sure, no problem.” Kim dropped it into her purse.

“Are you hungry? Thirsty?” Saul asked.

Jesse shook his head. “I could go for a smoke though.”

“I thought you quit.”

Jesse snorted. “That’s before I found out I gotta wait forever to see the shrink.”

“Wouldn’t do you any good anyway,” Kim told him. “The whole hospital and courtyard are no smoking.”

“Maybe he doesn’t want to smoke it.”

Jesse squinted his eyes as he regarded Saul. “What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

Saul met Jesse’s challenging gaze evenly. “How come you won’t tell the doctor how long you’ve been burning yourself?”

Jesse huffed as he turned his face away and started shaking his head.

Kim frowned at Saul, who sighed and apologized.

“Whatever.” Jesse started biting his thumb nail as he stared at the far wall. “You know, you guys don’t gotta wait here.”

Kim leaned forward and put her hand on Jesse’s leg. “We want to keep you company.”

Jesse looked at the blonde. “Well, maybe I don’t want no company.” He glanced up at Saul before returning his attention to Kim. “Look, you got me to the crazy farm, so why don’t you just go home and...” he waved his hand dismissively, “do whatever.”

“Well, I want to sit right here,” Kim insisted.

Saul straightened up when he noticed both Kim and Jesse looking at him. “Let me see if I can find another chair.”

0 0 0

“No, no...”

Kim opened her eyes and looked around their darkened bedroom.

“No, no!”

She rolled over and raised up onto her elbow next to Saul. “Hey.” She shook his shoulder. “Hey, Jimmy, wake up.” When Saul opened his eyes, she asked, “The same one where he took the pills?”

Saul rubbed his hands over his face. “Yeah.”

0 0 0

Kim and Saul stopped next to the nurses’ station and Kim pressed the buzzer. She smiled when an older woman came to the window. “Hi, Barb.”

The nurse looked sad. “I’m sorry, but J.J. can’t have visitors right now.”

Saul leaned closer. “What? Why not?”

“He became aggressive at dinner and doctor put him in the time out room. He then became more aggressive, so doctor had him sedated. I’m afraid J.J. won’t be awake until tomorrow morning.”

Saul crossed his arms across his chest. “Gee, I wonder why a guy who spent six months in a cage might not like being locked up in a small room.”

“I understand your concern, but that’s hospital policy. We can’t allow the patients to harm themselves or others.”

“We understand that,” Kim said. “Is Dr. Peterson around?”

“No, he’s left for the day.”

“Is there anyone around who we can talk to about J.J.’s case?” Kim pushed.

“The night doctor is here. Shall I get her?”

“No,” Saul decided. He looked at Kim. “Come on.” He looked at the nurse. “Please tell Dr. Peterson that we’ll be back to talk to him tomorrow.”

“He’s not in again until Thursday.”

“Of course he isn’t.” Saul inhaled deeply. “Thanks, Barb. We’ll be in touch.” He put his hand on Kim’s arm and started leading her to the elevator, stopping when she pulled up short.

“What’s going on?”

Saul glanced around and leaned close. “We need to move him to another hospital. He’s not getting any better.”

“Dr. Peterson said...”

“Right now, I don’t give a rat’s ass about that Peterson said. All I know is that the kid’s been here for almost three weeks and he’s getting worse.” Saul blew out his breath. “And what’s with putting him in a padded room? Of course he’s going to get aggressive.”

Kim studied Saul. “So what are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking that instead of trying to find someone local that maybe can help him, why don’t we just take him to the expert?”

“The guy in Vermont?”

“Yeah.” Saul paused. “Look, I’m sure there are plenty of qualified doctors around here that can treat his depression, or anxiety, or any of his other conditions, but Mahabir said there was only one doctor in the country that could treat them all.”

“Okay, then let’s call him.”

Next: Springfield

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This installment of It's All Good, Man was interesting to write -- and rewrite. I thought I was finished several times before I actually was finished due to characters changing their minds or altering their actions. Still, we finally made it to the end of Omaha. Now, on to Vermont!


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